By Myself

Somewhere I Belong
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2021-08-15 20:57:19 (UTC)

just tired...

That's a way to explain my state right now. also the term stateside or statewide is only found in the once great land murica. i've never heard it here, ever.

when shit goes sideways and you find yourself giving up...contrary to all the motivational shit out there it's okay to give up. giving up means to quit fighting that immense feeling you have to better yourself so that you won't feel that much of a loser. then you step aside and realign your priorities. then next step would be getting your shit back together in a different manner and again waging war on everything and anything which makes you wanna quit life altogether. then fail again and repeat the cycle. keep doing this and you get tired eventually. thats my mind right now. exhausted.

right now the whole country is in celebration of its independence. streets lit up. every fucking asscunt on social media saying they love this cesspool. i try to avoid all that cause i can see pass through this fascade and look at their disgusting ways. i feel like an outcast. unable to share my happiness with ones around me. simply cause our interests don't align at all. they are all in majority so i have to keep my mouth shut.

when you are in your complete low, you have two options. You stay in self pity mode. or you activate the anger mode. anger and hate is absolutely necessary in our lives. to avoid it is goign to come back to bite you in the ass. its a very simple instinct to avoid things we hate. do that for your depression. hate yourself. hate that you are this weak. hate yourself till you can't look in the mirror and be happy with the person in there. it will build up anger and that is the key motivation you need to try to improve your situation. love and support wont help. thats all like diplomatic shit. sometimes we need a hard kick in the balls to jumpstart our system.

i hate the ways of these people here. it makes me avoid them. which keeps me sane. as soon as i have to mingle with them my anxiety builds up. and then i come and write here how much i want them exterminated. then i feel better.

there is so much shit that is going wrong right now that i don't have the strength to fix all of it. im tired....just tired.