Somewhere I Belong
When we struggle.
After a bad split emotionally all hell breaks lose. time won't heal all wounds. scars will remain and you will be changed for better or for worse.
In my time of distress i took to my room. i went through all the feelings of depression to anger on how she could do this to me. We were once a group. bunch of us hanging out and enjoying and shit. then when i left cause she had to introduce the other dude to the group, i was without any assist. I played a lot of sudoku i remember. I could hear them all as they sat and talked a building away. so i had to block their sounds with headphones and music. i had to help myself the hard way. its not easy you know. i used to be there with them daily for years and now i can't do it.
years passed and it made me turn sour and the thought of a romantic love made me sick. i see a lot of you all going through similar emotional stress. and i can't say what works for me will do the same for you. it wont. you have to find your own way. and keep it to yourself. going to social media isn't going to help. it is tempting though ill tell you that. this place helped me too if i needed to vent out here. writing helps. music helps. once you get your appetite again then food helps too. i remember the first time i heard that she went physical with him more than with me i skipped my dinner and lunch the next day. felt that uneasy in my stomach. legs got cold. i know the feeling well. food was the last thing in my mind.
now being single for years and years if i get depressed it's not cause of a female but instead the lack of one. i don't know which is worse. to go through a bad break up a hundred times or to be unwanted,rejected and live as an outcast never to feel youre good enough to be loved... both are bad for your mental health. first i suffered from the break up and now this.
to channel all this negativity i turn to music and killing. like some people turn their pain into amazing art on a canvas i do mine by talking about death and carnage. death is a fact of life. people run from it. don't walk about it. fear it. but for what? whats to fear? its inevitable. embrace it.
lucky are those who get the help they need from their friends and family. rest of us have to find our own way. but there is a way. or you just give up hope and lose faith. that sounds easier to do. in a way it brings you some peace. if you are willing to accept it.when you keep struggling to just be happy and feel accepted then you get tired after a while. and you don't want to anymore. you will live and breathe. take a day at a time. go with the flow. no ambition. no care in the world.