Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2021-08-12 22:59:18 (UTC)

Lessen The Pain Of This World

I might not get to keep this journal. I know I've said that before, but I really have to accept that.

I still get sad when people ignore me, even if I'm having a good day otherwise. I have to accept this, as well.

It's frustrating when people don't understand what I'm going through. I have to accept this as well.

No one in this world loves and cares about me. This is the most difficult thing to accept, obviously. Didn't even really want to bring that up. I don't know how I continue living with this massive pain and sadness.

All I can do is try to lessen the pain of living in this world, by being kind and helpful to others. Do not treat others the way they treat me, no matter how badly I might want to get them back.

Be BETTER than them.

Continually better and improve myself.

Be straightforward, but try not to be very negative.

Be realistic and not phony.

These are all things I must accept and goals I have to help me get through my lonely life.

If I'm lucky, I'll find love again some day.

For now, Loki is my comfort crush/fantasy. An outcast like me. He might be the bad guy oftentimes. Me, I'm not perfect, but I'm basically a Goody-Two-Shoes. However, the way this stupid world treats me, I certainly feel like an outcast. It makes me feel like the "Bad Guy."

Just because I can't have enthusiasm like others - Look at what I've been through -- not sure what people don't understand about my lack of enthusiasm over anything. Even if they can't relate, they should be able to understand! You know, 2 months after my husband died, this idiot at work made a joke about me not getting enthusiastic over anything. He knew that my husband just died. Idiot! Then, there was that idiot in drive thru who asked if my husband was still alive - looking as gleeful as can be. Like, what demon possessed him? Who DOES that?!?

I don't want to hate people, but damn!

I can't have enthusiasm and I'm socially awkward. And people want to write me off, ignore me, be dismissive of me, judge me for those things, which would be wrong of them to do even if I weren't going through all I was going through. These assholes can go fuck themselves!


Sometimes I just wish I could find someone just like me with these traits and treat them like gold, help them in some way. And I would need nor want nothing in return for it, except to know that I helped them. Not even a "thank you," from them, but just to see them happier and doing better. That is all.


So, major goal of mine: Lessen the pain of one other person in this world besides myself.

Since I have been abandoned, I will hope to make someone else not feel that way.


I don't know when or how I will meet this person, but if God sends them my way, I pray that He helps me to help them!

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.


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