If I die today
This is to my legally connected marriage partner,
If this does reach you and you claim it I would be in shock and wouldnt live thru that surpise. If I am not alive or not concious under no circumstances in reality would I want you have any decision making role in my life. I made a very poor and even bad choice in marrying you. My intentions were selfish even foolish. I'm sorry that I allowed my schemes to go that far. You failed me in many ways to. Still to this day I work thru on occasion the deciet of our "marriage" . I like to belive that God does not uphold and has freeed me from this marriage. You either are not capable of being a spouse , or unwilling. Either way Please stay away from woman. Your judgement is very sckewed maybe even wicked? I'm not sure but it is dangerous. You hurt me in many ways. Honestly I find is sickening distrubing and barf-worthy that anyone considers you a minister but I'm at a loss with interal conflict. I'm not sure who helped you flee me or all of the detials but it is wrong that you left this legal marriage over my head for years I cant move on unsure of what my moral ground to stand on is. It is wrong that you latched on too deeply personal things about me and not onl exsplited them but exagratived them. While I do not nknow your intelgence level and I think you may have been making a true assement and jusgement when you had text me after you left that your mentaly 8. I would probaly take a few years off that but whatever which makes me feel even more discutiing for being with you Anyhow I feel you preyed apon my weaknesses and I do not know your conntecction to onwhitehoreses/whitehorseareana but it was not in my best interest that they infere in the way they did. I regret marrying you I regret knowing you. Had this not happened thou my path may be differnt and I dont know where Id be. I've been thru a lot and am still coping and trying to heal mentally and physcially I hit the streets with no provision and I even had caregivers and I ended up living with mormons to survive. but all thee chaios I went thru has lead me to I ultimalty ended up getting my own place for over a year I was able to on my own occur no new debts for a whole year and then some. I am now with an amazing humble man mature loving provider. He meets everycheck mark of things I need/want in a man in a partner and Iwould like to marry him someday. We have a partnership that shows a lot of growth on my part. I am ashamed of how I pursued marriage with you and our life togetheer. I'm sorry for my selfisheness and fear driven behaviors. Im also sorry that I let otheers for lack of a term parent us I put "counsel" people above us like we were children and I just thought we were gonna live like that I guess always having an authouirty above us. I am sorry. I did not like you and was not attracted to you when we met. I mean you seeemed likable but I dont consider you attractive I forced the piees togetheer. When you dragged me behind the trailer on that far in o-the-ll0 I should have immeditly ceased contact with you.
For you I hope that the world is procted for your wickedness and that you choose to address your devious ways if you have not. I hope that your provided for and taken care of at the level you need weather you live out your life is a manor child I hope those lines are clear. You are not a part of my family. If you choose to engage with anyone I know if they do not consent please respect the bounderies do not drive them to some brink of insantiy. There are people who know what I have told them about us and you and I cannot say how they would re-act you so think about that. Your not likely to be warmly welcomed into my closest friends/family/realationships life. on assuming I'm dead its irrevelant to me weahter you all connect or or not but I do fear for thier mental emotional wellbeing dealing with you as I knew you but I do not know who you are now. It does appear to be that you are still very cowardly just bc you've been hiding so long from the courts. It also seems to me that you upholding your title as minister and this little book that came thru a vision seems fishy to me. anyhow physcially if I die you owe nothing your entitled to nothing I would be upset thiking that if I passed away right not that you receieve ANY benifit. Anyhow since I'm alive today if I was to see you today it would be at aphyscial distance unless I was caught by suprise. I dont trust you or respect and feel foolish for even knowing you and inviiting you into my world years ago and I now know I didnt rescue you or help you. In our marriage you literaly left me with nothing no privsions at all. For the months that I was literally insane after your leaving so lets say novermber thru january I feel like you should offer some physcial comspeation. I would also like to hear from a creditable source your exsplation of how you can abadon me like that? I honestly think I owe you nothing notta thing otheer than an apology. I do feel I owe the ownders of the farm you claimed were stealing form you an apology for helping you and teaming up with you and connecting you to collect your possibly stolen funds. That was not my concern or matter and Ishould have had no involment and I may have been decieved into believing there was a crime or offence commiting that was fueling us to take offence against them. I wish they had there 19thou some dollars returned. I'm sorry . Also if we connect it would be very offensive if you were not signing some sorta divorce papers. Thats all I want. I dont know how things work for sex-offenders and violent eople and well mentaly spirtual abusers is there hope for you or hlep or even recovery I dont know. I consider you unsafe to every woman and child in this world permantly bc I just dont know how one could recover or where help is other than GOD. Speaking of GOD.
Pleaase do not uphold yourself as a minister. Please know that you hurt and onfused my realithsion with him but I am healing. You handled "minisrty" imaturly. You misrepresend HIM weather you know him or not i dont know. Please do not speak for him you prospheid falsely over me several times and used GOD as a weapon against me and you also induced fear that was spiritually not there. I dont know what to tell you other than please take your realationship or lack of with HIM seriously. Personally Id' put you in hell but GOD is merciful and hell is a bit much and I cont go on with this bitter desire for you so I want you to see true salavtion. I hope God gives me the grace to be fully healed in my sould from this realtionship with you. Please forgive my offences against you. Right now i have nothing unwritten profitable to share to you
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