❤️Canadian Cutie❤️

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2021-08-11 18:16:02 (UTC)

I Am So FUCKING Sorry💔

No music, no quotes.. I fucking hurt. I sat here for the longest time with a blank screen trying to write something, anything but all I can come up with is WHY??

I am devastated, I am heartbroken, I feel like I failed you. I told you I cannot make this go away but I did tell you, you won't go through it alone, I would be there, I would help you and get you help and I did so how did this go so off the rails? How did this happen? I was helping you get your life together without a soul knowing because I wanted you to prove them wrong and I knew you could. I was helping you get better so you could be a part of your children's lives. We were *almost* there. I was helping you pay your rent. I helped you get an apartment. I referred you to the BEST help you could get. I paid for it. We got you clean. You were so proud of your sobriety. I bought you food weekly and had it delivered to you. I helped you with a college application. You were accepted. You took parenting classes and not only passed but you were the top in your class. We were working with my lawyer to help you get visitation and we were so close to meeting the requirements for that to happen. You had your whole life ahead of you...You were so excited to have a place in your children's lives so ..WHY??

Why did you choose this for the ending of your book? I feel like I failed you. What else could I have done? Why did you not call me like you have every single other time you needed someone? I would have taken the call the same as I have every other time. I would have driven to you and just sat with you until you felt on solid ground again. I know ultimately I did all I could but I cannot help but wonder if there was something else I could have done.

I know they say we come with a plan in life and we leave when we complete it but what was the lesson in this?

I will make sure your children know what you were doing and why...Even at the detriment of exposing my involvement in helping you rebuild your life. I don't want them to remember you for the path you had been on but the path you were working on.

I know addiction takes over but I also know you were sober enough to not make that choice. I am not angry at you J, I am angry at the drugs and myself. I feel like I could have, should have, done more. Maybe I should have moved you closer. My heart hurts, I am sorry I wasn't there to help you. I am sorry you passed alone. I am just so sorry :(

Fly high sweet girl💜




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