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Now on a personal note. Occurrences have been occurring all the while I am doing absolutely nothing to provoke, encourage or create these occurrences.
It's true when you let go of trying too hard, things will flow to you. For a time during my dating shenanigans, it began and flowed and I took it as it came and went with no lingering feelings. It was what it was. But after a time it started to infiltrate me and it wasn't the actual experiences that did that, it was that horrible realization that I despise so much and that is seeing the truth of human beings. Yes, I am a human too, lol, and I too have likely said and done things that have caused hurt or upset to others. You just can't please everybody because we do not all gel with one another, it's the nature of our characters, personalities entwining or not as the case may be.
However, that was enough for me to hang up my bloomers (lol) free the titties, and live in my world where I am most comfortable and unjudged and in harmony with every other part of my lifestyle, which I adore. Yes, to have a loving, supportive, funny and interested, not heavily sexualised man in my life would be wonderful but it isn't to be so, not currently. I learned nothing about what the love of a man could feel like during my dating shenanigans, all I learnt is that it is all about sex and living up to their standards. you know like expecting you to be bungee jumping on a Tuesday night, or diving with sharks or on some ridiculous adventure on Wednesdays or Sundays, and yet when you asked what they were doing? They were "I'm just chilling watching Netflix" or "Not much, watching tv" or "On my phone not doing much" and that was okay that they were doing it but if I was, that made me uninteresting lol. Sexism is still rife and I certainly am dealing with that right now in my work life too. Bigtime! but I am dealing with it.
So I am back to where I was for the year I stayed abstinent. I haven't lost interest in sex at all, I still adore sex in all its forms but I have lost interest in people. Not even generalised people, not even just men, but everybody. I could not even be bothered to call my brother's wife on her birthday, instead just text. Didn't even go and see her. That's not great, I know, but my thought's behind it is, I never hear from my brother or his wife anymore. Not because we fell out, we never fall out. My brother has never been good at staying in contact it's always been me keeping it tight and I love my brother immensely but I also value myself and where effort isn't made, none comes from me anymore. That is sitewide with everybody in my mind, you make no effort, you get non back.
Although, while I am working hard, and having amazing results I am also reverting more and more within myself. I am a likeable woman, I have friends around me, not true friends, but I can't be bothered with anyone. Even Phil, has been calling me every 3 days asking, "What's going on with you?" I tell him the truth, and how I feel about humans, and he is still a solid lovely support, we just chat for hours while he drives his American truck and while I play my PS4 game.
And although I am not seeking any man at all, and have little interest in giving myself to anybody. Men are coming to me, in unexpected ways. I have not been on any dating sites, I am not in any chat forums or online activity, except here and my PS4 and that is a solo game, not muli-player.
So the big boss (Prime) is still trying his luck and I denied seeing him today, he asked me yesterday and I didn't even give him an explanation. I just said, "I can't" and he replied, "Fair enough". He had to text me saying he misses me and wants to re-ignite with me again. I do not want to re-ignite anything with that man.
Johnny the psychiatrist is struggling with sciatica pain so explains his random mood swings, I won't go into the medical things he has told me about as that is private but he and I are still texting and chatting, it is not sexual either. Sometimes it is a little but not overly and often, he says if he wanted to just fuck me he would've by now.
And then last night when I was playing my game while chatting to Phil on loudspeaker, I received a Whatsapp message from a guy called Warren who I wrote about in my diary before, he is the scaffolder. We got on very well, but he disappeared for two days and returns with no explanation, not even a mild one and that's not my style, so I stopped our meeting. He texts me last night though, I didn't even respond, just deleted his text.
Then while I'm working today, a man calls my private phone and immediately I felt drawn to him and he hadn't even said two words, it was quite uncanny! And as noted by me.
He says to me that he runs his carpentry firm and works with my brother who also owns his own building firm. He said that he had a quote on building materials from my competitor and it was expensive and my brother told him he should call me as I will sort him out. LOL! (my dirty mind) Anyway's, we chatted and I was professional and on the ball, I got one of my favourite designers to quote me on some joinery, my prices, he knew what I meant by that, lol. I came in £800 cheaper than my competitor and the carpenter (call him G) loved the price. Then he called me again, asking me for another quote on solid oak flooring, again I smashed it and I told him I will go and see him on Monday on site (my brother is working there too so see him too) to meet him and sign him up a trade account so I can manage him personally and earn from his dosh, lol. He said, "You know, your brother said I can't ask you out on a date. he told me so much about you and I want to take you out." I just froze on the phone, stunned at the Passover from professional to personal so suddenly and not even worked with him before or met the guy.
Although I was drawn to him so strongly, he was jovial, sexy, bright-minded and I liked that. So after my pause, I let out a sarcastic uninterested laugh and said, "Oh, my brother is being all cute again, haha. So, give me the address of the site and I'll come to see you on Monday and give you and my bro some free stuff." He says, "Ooooh! We love free stuff, watcha got?" I told him I have all sorts, I'll bring some down.
(with my work, I can order in loads of their tools, gadgets and pens, pads, caps, coats, clothing, car stuff, all sorts. Stuff tradesman love. My company pays for it all and sends it to my house and I give it out to my clients as little sweeteners and thank you's. My brother and dad have had quite a bit, but they do also spend with us and our group companies.
Anyway, after the flooring quote was sorted. I finished work for the day around half four and then started dinner for my daughter and her boyfriend and me. It is their first anniversary today and he has spent all day here and they went out for a few hours to build another stick shack in the woods (and sent me a photo lol) He is staying over tonight too but under strict rules (by me and his mum - both agreed) that he sleeps in our spare bedroom. And if any funny business goes on they're dead teenagers, LMAO. I told my daughter, no nooky until she is on the pill, which she does not want to take so that means no fandango. To be fair, they're nothing like I was at their age, they show no interest in sex. I was fucking at 14 years old, lol. Total deviant.
Soooo, G keeps popping into my mind, which means I am popping into his and I have tried to suppress it, thoughts, I know what happens when I concentrate on a person and it's not fair if I have no intentions towards them. But he texts me and says, "I am sorry for messaging out of work hours, but I wanted to say I was so impressed with you earlier. Your professionalism and quick thinking and how quick you got back to me, was impressive. I'll look forward to meeting you on Monday, but can I just say I will need a kitchen and utility room on this job and also I am moving into a house I just bought and will want a kitchen in there too. Hopefully, we can work together going forward?" I thought, oh dear god! but responded with, "Oh, no probs at all, message whenever you want. Yes, I have wonderful imaginative designers. Let's measure up both places and get those designs sorted for you :P." He replies, "Oh thank you, look forward to it :). I hope you have a good evening. Cheers G."
Right! Tunage is on, and so is the PS4 ready for me to fight some sharks! :)))
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