If I die today
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2021-08-10 15:24:50 (UTC)

pieces of mind

Feels like its been a productive day but its unlikely true. got some laundry done my neck/shoulder strain thing or whatever is kinda buggin me it actually was hard to get comfortable in bed last night too. Had a short nap today. v8engery after. bumping up the xrsheild to up to 3 a day since I scheduled a dentist appt for thurs so just for a few days will be ramping that up. otherwise same old same. 30min walk with the dog this morning a little later than usual after an excersize video. The wole thing with the denitis is assuming this is free since I had this filling late may nDea says it should have lasted longer and that I shouldnt let them get away with that sh!t but I think Thursday on my own in theier I might be a weeny if theres a charge and tuck my tail between my legs and run. I'm not looking forward to this anyway since its that back tooth. still slightly scatter minded . lots to think on. Feeling still like an underacheiver but I get so physcially low on engery and othertimes just mentally. so like in my own mind its like people have an extra sence that I just dont have. like I just dont get a full picture and I miss percive things and or task or interactions so it ends up being this akward thing in the big picture and sometimes its ok but once pointed out to me or someone shows uncomfrtablness with something I've done it strikes me hard exspecially if I didnt know I was wrong.. Like the goood old apartment furniture if guest would have came in and just sat down on something I would have been so proud I had everything just the way I thought was cozy still to this day devasted allthou well that part of life is over i cant believe how I am. well thats enough of that gotta get a grip and control my thoughts its not a bad day to be honest so no need in spiralling down hill. I'm getting fat thou so really got figure out whats my deal and I eed to combat that I'm between 116 and 117 and I'm muffin-ey so time to make a change or 2 as much as I can its akward thou in a realationship bc most my personal food choices nDea dissapporves of as in I can forget about him eating that and its nice to have dinners together and I love date night. Also well I like to drink so what do I need chages whats my priorty? Things to place in my heart. My bills are up todate waiting on spectrum to come in so like another 2weeks before I can deal with that but otherwise current things are paid up. I spent 26or27$ again today online but things I consider a need but this can be me doing life wrong anyhow if this trend contiues its 800$ a month for me to live with my 20something dollar a day addiction. Trying to slow it down and calm down about things. Also in the big scheme of things I'm worried about how I will be displined for refusing the solution to this pandamit we are in. I could be really restricted regected left out or forced into something or who knows maybe i'll stand down and just sumbit I like to think not but c'mon I can go that way I'm not a warrior. Havnt read yet today if it counts I have intention to and nDea is playing his game now so ifI cut this short I can do that right now nothings really a ledgit distraction just stuff that seems easier to focus on idiely. but not nessarly profitable. I could fart around on the iterwebs for ahalf hour or so or just try to commit this time