Ruby’s healing journey
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2021-08-09 00:42:49 (UTC)

Saw my mom because I couldn’t say no

I’m not use to being treated like I matter
Some people treat me like that but there only a few people that can be persuaded that I matter I think that’s the problem in my head part of me thinks I don’t matter

I’m scared to say no to others and what will happen after that

Happiness scares me because I feel it in little pieces and not all at once it’s like that song into the unknown

I’m scared of not knowing

All things I’m going to bring up to my therapist who hopefully will treat this vulnerability well because I look up to her and when I think she’s trying to stir me in the wrong direction
It doesn’t help regardless if it’s just what I gathered from her thinking

Anyway I just wanna not have my parent help me today I was so okay happy even then my mood took a nose dive when my mom decided to come to my apartment (I said the wrong thing and thought she wants to come) she lowers my mood instantly it’s hard to even see my mood as important I always register others mood before my own there mood feels loud and mine feels like nothing uggh sorry was hoping this journal wouldn’t be so trauma based and be more hopeful but im having trouble with this
Gonna try to tell therapist how I feel maybe she can help? In my head I feel like my feelings don’t matter maybe that’s why everyone calls me calm 🤷🏽‍♀️
Idk all I know is I just threw out my

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