TM49

My History Of Familial Incest
2021-08-08 14:27:02 (UTC)

Sexuality Post Incest....

I had already been masturbating for a long time, and if I can recall correctly my fantasies during this time changed more from the traditional "wedding night" type to sex in secret, sex with the chance of getting caught, sex with theme of force. I found the force especially odd considering that what I had experienced hadn't been violent or forceful. I do remember clearly that with the separation from my father I want to find someone entirely opposite from him. So if the incest had been (mostly) gentle then I wanted the opposite. I wanted my OWN experiences to be mine and not his. At this stage I found hands being tied and being blindfolded to be especially erotic, esp after seeing a soft core porn with this type of scene. That too, porn. In my era it wasn't as easily come like now via internet so you had to rent it or look in a magazine. That sort of thing. My friends whispered and giggled about cocks and what to do with them. Once I told one what she could do and she gave me a strange look. I realized then I couldn't be to open, I'd get labeled a slut at school. So I faked a long with them having crushes on celebrities and rounding second base while getting spanked by some stranger while feeling me up. Suffice it to say I had skills far above my peers.
I felt aroused, guilty, angry, and aroused all over again by my sexuality. It was finally MINE. I decided what to do with it. I didn't have to look to my father for guidance. I could do what I want and set about learning what it was I wanted. I'd have to say out of all the years of my life 15 was a good age for me. Difficult in some ways, but mentally I felt free for the first time.
(Part 2 later)
-TM




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