chae

from my heart
Ad 2:
Digital Ocean
Providing developers and businesses with a reliable, easy-to-use cloud computing platform of virtual servers (Droplets), object storage ( Spaces), and more.
2021-08-07 00:56:54 (UTC)

chubby cheek gang

1:56 am

i felt a little down randomly at work because i started to self doubt myself and wonder if i’m too boring to be around for others. i dont think i have felt sad in a while and im not sure if it’s something i should be proud about or not. the thing is that it’s healthy to feel emotions even if they are “negative”

i believe that feelings and emotions are there as a sign to tell you something. it’s your way of your body to communicate with you.

but i try to block of any feelings of sadness because i’m too afraid to feel sad and vulnerable.. so i guess i’m always happy or just fine.

deep down inside i know there are negative feelings and thoughts that i suppress.

as i got in my car from finishing work, i logged onto discord and i saw that this dude i’ve been talking to recently (i met him off of a dating app and we played a few games together) messaged me to ask if i wanted to go to mcdonald’s.

i had to convince my mom to let me go as she’s pretty overprotective. i was afraid to drive because i’m still not that great at driving especially at night. he offered to pick me up and when we met i was pretty nervous but excited.

he bought me a ten piece chicken nuggets while he bought the twenty. there was a gas station across the street so we decided to get drink there. we just ate our food and joked around. he bought me a fireball and i took a few sips. after eating, he drove us to a grocery store plaza where there was a mostly empty parking lot.

he taught me how to longboard. i didn’t feel uncomfortable when he was holding my hands to teach me how to ride it. we just had a lot of fun. we even played tag and he was surprised how fast i ran since i’m pretty short. when we were out of breath, we sat on the curb and talked about how the stars were barely there and i dared him to yell very loudly which he did. it made me laugh. then we were counting the amount of moles we had on our body and i named the mole on my left arm his name and he named the mole on his face my name as sort of like a friendship “bracelet” type of thing except it was moles.

i realized today that i just need to be in a certain environment to get out of my comfort zone with people and that i actually do have the ability to be myself around others. i realized that i can have fun too. i always believed i was antisocial and boring but i dont think i ever tried to take a step out of my own comfort zone till today. and it felt like trying a new food and realizing that you missed out on it for so much of your life.

im just happy i made a friend tonight. i feel like the friendship can maybe even actually last.

who knows what will happen in my life. after all today was definitely unexpected but extremely fun.


Ad:0
Digital Ocean
Providing developers and businesses with a reliable, easy-to-use cloud computing platform of virtual servers (Droplets), object storage ( Spaces), and more.