Live my life♥

me and my life
2021-08-05 09:37:20 (UTC)

I wish....

I wish I had someone to talk to, someone with whom I could have poured my heart and cried a d showes what and how I feel without being judged.
Today I miss V alot... i suddenly feel like burying myself in his chest and I could literally feel his strong chest and his protective arms around me, and a caring peck on my head. He calling me yedi and gobya and that love and affectionate in his eyes for me. I cried and i want to cry more. I definitely miss that warmth in my life and I want it so badly. It has been more than a year now for everything related to us. Seeing eachother, talking, fighting, laughing and touching eachother. My heart is still in denial that how could we seperate so easily???howww??? How could he gaveup on me so easily?? This brings tears again and an ache in my heart.
People say you will get someone better than him, this is applicable when you were not treated well what when you were treates like a kid still it dint work out, what do ppl say on such stories? Is there anyone out there who can love me pamper care me more than V? With whom I can be like i was witj him? Ahhh... god knows...
I do not think much, but if I star thinking i can go unsane easily. Isnt it unfair to be left alone without any explanation? Without giving proper answera to my questions which I had right to know? My heart breaks into million pieces everytime. Even if it had been more than a year its still fresh as if it was yesterday. Why is it difficult for me? How come he moved on? Like I miss him everyday, does he too?
So far I have been unlucky with boys is this the reason am not able to move on? Just because npbody has filled his place I'm missing V? Or it is that ill never forgwt him?? I don't know...

Today I sat alone on sofa revising what amd how its happened to us? Was there any scope for me where I could have behaved more maturly and no I dnt see any scope. I revised that situation as a 3rd person to see that did I make any unfair thing to him that today am suffering so much and NO I havn not. He left me for months without talking. Why my instinct says then he is with someone. A sensitive and mad for me guy has forgotten me ?? How???
Why it all happened with me? Why am not able to hate him? Why do i still remember him? Why all those feelings can be still felt?
I don't want him back but the fact that he is away is pinching me badly.

G is hopeless and weird. I thought he is a simple guy so i can be good with him but he seems some smart ass, not bothered, R is my clear just friend, new guy?
New guy has entered. Mr.P he is an NRI seems good in talking, good work profile and family background but but but foremost basic thing LOOKS phewww not good looking... I'm still gonna have a video call with him tomorrow but he is already rejected.
So basically am fucked up...