Strawberrytheif

Enduringheart
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2021-08-06 03:59:00 (UTC)

grief

I have two younger brothers

my older younger brother I didn't see shed a single tear, I don't think he could, I think he was tired and I think his brain wouldn't allow him to process his feelings in the moment and I don't think he wanted to feel them even if he could, he just distanced and then when he got home he fell asleep

my youngest brother at first didn't cry, until he saw her, he had one on one time with just her, to say his goodbyes, he came out into the waiting area, his eyes were red, my mother was there and held him in her arms and he sobbed into her shoulder, I've haven't seen him cry like that since he was a child, it broke my heart

I sobbed when dad sat down to tell us the news, I was the only one who immediately started crying. I was crying in the room with her, occasionally trying to lighten the mood with a funny story about her, because everyone was so tense, everyone stood like a deer in headlights, I'm assuming I was as well.. and I couldn't stand it
I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, I didn't know if there was an inappropriate or appropriate response
I was gently brushing her face with the back of my fingers
I felt her brow bone, her nose, the side of her eye, her hair
I was trying to be so careful, I was hoping she could feel it and that it was soothing her

When I was alone with her, I told her how much I loved her, how much I've appreciated her in my life and how much I've meant it every time I told her she's one of the most amazing people I know
And I begged her to please stay
I wanted to be as honest as I could be, I wanted to lay my heart bare to her and I wanted her to hold it in her hands
Because I trust her more than anyone I've ever met, I know how soft and gentle should would be with every part of who I am and I want her to know I know
but she was unconscious
I told her how beautiful she is, I kissed her forehead
And I sobbed into her hand and continued to beg

I don't know how long she has left, but they say a day longer at most


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