Justwhatever

Sadnant
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2021-08-02 00:24:13 (UTC)

I had a great Friday ..

I had a great Friday night.
I didn't expect to see Vinnie at the munch; his voice has got lower and his jaw wider. Love that for him.
Thanks to whats-her-name for dragging him out (I really should do better to remember people's names and reach out. Low-pressure online small-talk - as much as I can do small-talk.)

It's just hard for me to conceptualise Vinnie as someone who has any of the characteristics that I dislike in myself. He seems so self-assured, bold, gregarious. It's understandable that he gets depressed, but I suppose I just conceptualise him as someone who can get himself out of that, simply driven to get what he wants. I mean, he moved to an entirely different country.

But then so did Alice.

Idk...

I told Vinnie I'd been thinking about reaching out to him but I kept over-thinking it, and he said he'd been doing the same.

Maybe, between our own inner worlds and outer appearances, we're both just a little intimidated by each-other. Thinking that the other person can't possibly be... Idk. As mundane as we see ourselves. But when we're together, conversation flows easily, we find joy in the same things, it's great energy. It's like he brings out my best side. Maybe I kinda do the same for him?

***

I'm in withdrawal. Well. I fucked up and took 15mg of DHC, so IDFK. I need to plan this better.

I'm going to check in on Vinnie daily to make sure he drums. He said he'd do similar for me, when I'm properly in detox.
And I'll try to get him to come outside more.

***

While we were sitting and drinking at a rock pub, I asked if he ever felt like he didn't have a community that he belonged to. He said yes. Especially since leaving Singapore. But he also has people on Discord that he can talk to, the only time he speaks Chinese, and it helps him feel closer to home. That's probably also why he likes Oseyo so much.

Singapore is just too conservative Christian for him. But it was still where he grew up. He had to move away to move forwards, but in doing so, he's constantly having to reconnect to something familiar. As an Asian who speaks English with an American accent, of course he stands out here. Even without being alternative.

Man I wanna give him a bro-hug.


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