❤️Canadian Cutie❤️

Life through my spiritual eyes❤️
2021-08-01 17:12:10 (UTC)

Wear the damn thing! ❤️

Listening to: Human - Rag'n'Bone Man (this song makes me want to dance haha)
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"You don't have to be tidier, thinner, funnier, or smarter. You don't have to be more assertive, more ambitious, more social, or more productive. You can keep growing, but you don't have to be more of anything in order to be enough. You already are"
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Good Evening!🌙
It ultimately did not rain *pouts lol. I was looking forward to a nice storm, instead, we had sunshine and cooler temps which were nice too. I did manage to get outside and hang my bedding on the line which is my favorite way to dry it, so I'll take it. The house is spotless, I just finished about 45 minutes ago. I did take breaks throughout the day for lunch and teas of course lol. It feels so good to have my house back to my level of cleanliness. My grocery order came just as I finished cleaning so now just dinner to finish cooking and clean the kitchen one last time from that and I will be done for the day yay!

I had a really odd occurrence happen today. Well, it has been happening lately but today I received confirmation on why. First a bit of a backstory or well maybe a long backstory lol.
I was at a point many months ago where I was just comfortable. Too comfortable. I felt lazy in health and in my appearance. Not sloppy, just no extra effort as I have always done. Don't get me wrong, I am always clean, dressed nice, hair is always done well and my nails are always done but that was as far as I went. After my breakup, I did not like how I felt. In every way. I knew I could do better with my health and overall wellness. I struggled to look in the mirror. I did not wear makeup most days. I stuck with jeans and yoga pants because they were comfortable. I knew I had to make changes. My life drastically changed in an instant. My whole future changed from what I had envisioned. I had to evolve with those changes. I refused to settle into a depression after it and the way I felt, I knew I was well on my way to that. I just could not let myself go there again. I needed to make changes. I needed to work on myself while the universe worked on my future. I knew I had the strength to make changes so I started working on myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I poured all the love I had given others, into myself and I am so fucking proud of how far I have come. In that, I have made some changes to my appearance. I have changed my hair color a little, I changed the way I wear my hair. I have changed the way I wear makeup. Actually, I have been wearing makeup most times when I leave the house. I am dressing out of my comfort zone and into clothes I would save for a special occasion. I wear the cute things now. (don't wait for a special occasion, wear the damn thing) In doing all this I feel better about myself. I feel more confident and it's showing in my everyday life. I have noticed I am getting *far* more attention from men (and women lol) I always felt invisible and honestly I use to prefer that but now I am finding men approach me more or look in my direction more than they use to. (Some to the point of creepiness like stepping out into traffic while looking back lol)
Some of the attention has been coming in form of text messages and emails from people I have not heard from in a while. Just checking in or asking to grab a coffee or dinner, or Uhm, more lol. While I know this part does not play into how I have been working on myself, how could it? they cannot see it. The odd coincidence was. I had a video reading from a girl who does tarot reading for me. She's incredible. She lives in the UK and amazing at it. She actually helped my ex and I last time we had issues, find our way back. Everything she spoke on was to the letter. She has done so so many of my readings for me and has taught me on tarot as well. She does not like me telling her things as she wants to rely on her abilities. In this reading, she said "This month there will be a ton of activity around you. There will be a lot of suitors making themselves known to you, Your confidence has grown a lot and whatever you are doing, keep doing it as this month will be huge for you" She must have seen my face drop when she said that as she asked what it was about. I explained a little and she said "keep your confidence high girl" haha. It was so cute.

All this said if you know me at all you know I am not comfortable with attention. I shy away from it at all costs, always have. I do not know why it makes me uneasy. It makes me a bit self-conscious as I have always preferred to blend in. As a child it protected me, you cannot abuse what you cannot see. I hid, alone, often. I grew up feeling that same way so making these changes wasn't easy. I did not make those changes for this to happen. I honestly did not think it would happen. I did it because I wanted to feel better about myself. I did not like how I felt. If it brings in what is meant for me, I am happy but that is not why I have been doing it. It actually made me think twice about some of the things I am doing but when I mentioned this to my girlfriend M, she said why? why would you let looks dictate how you feel about yourself and again this was like a huge painful reminder of how I let others control how I feel about myself growing up. I am doing this for me, not for anyone but me so I will wear the damn thing and continue doing what makes me feel good about myself and I do feel good about myself. I am proud of how far I have come. Oh man I rambled lol.

Tonight? Watch the remainder of Virgin River. I mean it this time lol. First! I am going to do a face mask and take a long hot bath with a Lush Bath Bomb as I feel yucky from cleaning all day. I need to finish making dinner!

Have a beautiful night💜




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