Yvonne Lovejoy

Yvonne's Journal
2021-08-01 23:13:54 (UTC)

1st of August, 2021

11:13 PM CEST

My mental health hasn't exactly been the best lately. I've been all over the place lately. Snapping at people. They won't leave me alone! I spend hours alone, but it feels like minutes. Everyone's bothering me, and I feel like I can't get a moment's peace. If it's not them asking me to do things like or asking me how I am, (my mom - nobody else) it's my own brain that won't leave me alone. I feel stressed. Time means nothing. I'm always irritated and restless.

Apart from that, my mom left to go back to work. She starts tomorrow. I feel relieved, which is a clearly terrible thing to admit, but I'm so relieved. I'm starting at the IBC (International Business College. It's not actually a college since it's not university, but it's just a name) myself in 10 days. I think. It's a Tuesday. No, 9 days. I can't wait. I really can't. Summer's been boring as I've mentioned before.

I'm gonna try and do the lawn tomorrow, but I'm not sure whether the grass is tall enough or not. I'm worrying over everything. Meaningless things. And my possible OCD won't leave me alone. That's what I meant by my mind not leaving me alone. I also fit the criteria for ADHD/ADD and bipolar II, so I'm having the best time of my life.

Can't imagine anyone reading this wants to read all of my whinging and complaining about how much my life sucks, but that's what a diary is for, right? And you did CHOOSE to read it!

On the bright side, I've discovered this new show on Netflix recently. It's called 'New Amsterdam" and I'm over the moon. I've got a crush on Dr. Helen Sharpe and I'll die with the Maelen ship (Max and Helen - Max is the lead), so the light has returned to this world.

And I'm kinda already halfway through season 2...heh (that's what happens when you jump on the fandom bandwagon)

Watching NA is all I've been doing apart from eating, sleeping, taking care of my basic needs, chores and occasionally reading fanfiction, (Harry Potter - I got back into it and discovered new shit. Good shit) as well as listening to music. Speaking of music, I'm currently listening to "GRRRLS" by AViVA on Spotify...on loop (I do that quite often)

On another note, the reason why I write 'NA' instead of 'New Amsterdam" is that I keep spelling '-dam" as "-damn".

Sure says a lot about me. Should I be worried? Maybe. Is it time to do so? Nope.

11:36 PM CEST

I don't know what to write. I'm sitting in a chair, alone, in my mostly dark room, writing about my poor, fragile feelings. I think this counts as brooding and wallowing in self-pity. Bloody fucking hell...

I should probably get ready for bed. It's late. I'll try and write an entry tomorrow, but I can't guarantee it, though I can guarantee that I'll watch NA until 1:40 AM. Bye now :)

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