If I die today
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We forgot to eat dinner
Yesterday well instead of a hot toddy remedy for nDea's cold we had brandy and icedtea . We forgot to eat dinnerjust had some mcd's breakfast today. Still on the emren-c i have a bit of a sore/scratchy throat this mornin. Was a little hungover got a energydrink from roasters while walkig the dog. We went to bed i think after 10ish in the evening last night afer our drinking cleaning out the bottle of brandy and having on bottle of our cocktail on the bike and water we took a bike ride on the tandum bike it was fun. Then there was sex.
In our drinking we talked. Yep we do our best tqalkin drinkin so we sat here and discussed the whole ex-situation the C-monster and he doesnt get it why I wouldnt want her in my home. and doesnt see what she ever did to me and why I dont belive him and/or his sister telling me this woman is not that bad. I just told him I think she might be a narsistist and anything he says to me could be brainwashing by her so why should I beleive him and I see the occasional text and phone calls and I get it thats his daughters mother but no need to be in my home. He said when we prevsiouly talked that when i told him I could live somewhere without him if its a big deal I can live on my own and still date he doesnt wanna date me if we're not living together. Which well I guess I dont understand that and thats sorta a flag in my mind bc i really really want a pure realtionship before GOD and also I dont know if i should put all my chips in on him marrying me either. but how embarssing and he is the best. but if this realtionship falls theres alot invested and I dont want to live in fear of lossing that but it concerning that if we lived apart theres no turning back and just dating. Dont know what to makeof that and do I really think he will wait maybe years or maybe till never for me to be comforablt with the c-monster over if ever we have a cookout or something. How do I make the pieces work. anyhow its kinda got me wondering is this reall or another one of my shams/scams/stunts but a very good one. I love him soo much but also I think my bounderies are important too and also well I didnt intinate a divorce for his sake but my own which still stands but if we arnt going to get married its going to weigh me down in my heart even if not a legal ceroamny maybe something before friends and family just "unoffical" proclaiming a commitment sastifies my soul. I dont know wht to want hope wish desire for him/fmaily wise with the seamonster but been thinking maybe its best if she could relocate but provisions are set work/finiiance wise for his daughter as she is her mothers caregiver she may? want/need new owrk or income IDK or maybe I should be looking for places far away for us to live where noone will make the trip or that would be too much a trip for c but I have no desire to withhold him form his family and I dont see an ex as family right now and no telling when my perspective will change. The whole thing is she has done some offendable things to him and based on what information I have she got pregant and trapped him for 25years.. who does that/ and being him he has a big heart I guess he commited to that family as he know it althou they were miserable a some point she pestered the shit outta him and pressured him intogetting her a ring althou meanless to him he gave in. Also he thought as a one night stand she had told him she couldnt get pregant. so who knows. But several things and the way she wines about the dog and makes demands and plans for him and his granddaughter and uses thier family like that doesnt seem like someone I should let in my home. but theres much I dont know. Anyhow I'm alittle foggy headachy maybe hungover like so this is todays matters