👁️ Bandersnatch 👁️

Through the Looking-Glass
Ad 3:
2021-07-31 00:48:39 (UTC)

The hard truth

I am going to give myself a thumbs up because nobody else gives me this, not anybody. I also seem to have gone within myself again in recent months. A ducking out of the world intermittently. I find the movement of people and their lifestyles more and more draining. The chaotic energy, the lost souls, move through me more and more as my universe expands wider with spirit. I am an open channel 24/7 - even when I sleep.

And so, often I find myself completely introverted and willing the world to stay on the other side of my front door, away from my sanctuary. My time dabbling in the dating scene was overwhelmingly exhausting. Not because of the endless chatter but I really do despise seeing the truth sometimes. I've always said the truth is the harshest of all, and it's peoples inability to see within the person. I understand that others cannot see the things I do, some can, some can't but a large majority think seeing someone for who they truly are is about listening to them, learning them, understanding their character and personality. Yet, I see the secrets within, and when I say see, I refer to knowing and feeling.

An example, one I care to forget but never can. One day a couple of years ago, I was in one of my branches chatting away with a colleague, having a bit of a giggle with her and in walks a man. He was an older guy, roughly early to mid-sixties. He dressed well, had white hair, a tall, broad man, well kept. My back was to him as he walked in but I sensed him right away. I only sensed him so promptly because of the evil inside him that resonated within his energy. It sent chills through me, my arms tingled and my gut (my most sensitive to powerful suggestions - my core) filled with butterflies feelings. Butterfly feelings in my gut have never been good signs, they are not a sign of impending excitement, much the opposite in fact. I felt a frozen rigidness overcome my feet and my body, it was fear. Not because I feared him, but it was the fear of the boy he was abusing. I knew it was a boy because as I spiritually unglued my feet from the ground and turned to face this monster, as soon as I see his face with my physical eyes, my mind showed me the image of the boy. He was around 8-9 years old, dark hair, pale complexion, broken and frightened. His life force stripped from him, he was fraying away from unravelling his last threads of string (his desire to live) This man had broken strands of his life force and desire to be alive so much, the boy was almost broken in two.

I was overcome with all the things he felt and then an overpowering emotion of anger towards this man. I have this thing I do, which I do not know what its called or ever labelled or thought about it too much, but I can infiltrate a persons mind and make it so that I am unpassable in their thoughts, so I am filling their mind and once I do this I send a "knowing" to them, that I know what they're hiding and it is no longer a secret. Not only this but I can then also project telepathically in this man's case, a vast emotion of shame, and the feelings of the boy to the man. Which is exactly what I did, he never met me before but I knew he knew, I knew and he felt it alright because his face changed, his eyes darted in an attempt to rid himself of me infiltrating him and he soon left and as he did it took me some time to calm down, my colleague noticed the change in me, looking at me weirdly and I usually I keep these workings very discreet between me and the person and spirit, nobody else needs to know, but on this occasion, the anger inside me to want to hurt this man for the pain he inflicted on that boy was all-consuming and I blurted out, "That man is pure evil." I was asked in a worried tone, "Whyyy?" And I said, "Nevermind." And made excuses to leave for a pretend meeting.

Anyway, I am not sure why I started off this entry in the way I did except I don't often give myself enough credit for how I get up every day and do all this stuff alone, not just my real work with spirit my whole life but my everyday life. I have been married before, I've had long term relationships. 3,5,6,6 year relationships. I've raised children very young children that were not mine, I've raised my own child and I yet I have still always felt alone. In everything I've ever done, I have been mostly alone even when I have ad plenty of people around me. It is just the way I am wired, I cannot bear destructive behaviour, negativity, too much darkness, unfair equality, takers and abusers to nature, truth, animals and humans. And we all know there is ample of all of those things in our world and so often I have to retreat to recharge before facing it again. As I get older I am becoming more and more content in reclusion and detaching myself from all except my daughter and spirit. It's a place I'd rather be than live inside a world that surrounds me with disingenuous agenda driven people. I know, you see and unfortunately, the reason I hibernate is that they are more common than you know, even the supposed lovely friendly people. Even some of those.

I know the light and see it others but when I shine it on others, and show them their own, in the way that I know best suits them it has differing effects, some draw to me and soak it in, almost becoming addicted to it, wanting more and more and when they receive more they question can they handle more, which is only more of themselves and back away, in the most unpleasant disrespectful ways a lot of the time. And others just simply don't like the light and move away fast, bothered by the uncanny unfamiliar feelings, "How can she be so connected to me when I barely know her?" I hear them whispering in their thoughts. People find me intimidating because of this reason because they do not understand me, it confuses them but I keep going forward, I don't ponder over things too much nowadays, I let a lot go. Let it be etc and carry on evolving stronger and carry on giving, not because I do not see my value and am gluttonous to some sort of masochism, which I now understand much more clearly. It's because it's what I do, always done, it's what I am meant to be doing. And when I think screw all this, it's soul dilution, I take a day or two and I realize I am just refilling my cup. Onwards again into a world of people that live in mass confusion, often finding myself bewildered by all the barriers and walls they create around themselves to deter them from self-development, because of fear.

I think no matter what is thrown at me, I always come victorious in my endeavours with a can-do mentality because I do not let people or things hold me back when they cannot themselves hold their own or show me respect, decency or compassion in my efforts that I had shown them. I am a woman filled with love, but my love is sprinkled rather than consuming to one because I know, no matter my desire for my own, I meant to be doing a service to others through enlightenment and that does not and clearly will never include me giving all of my love, overwhelmingly so, to one. It is too intense. As is the other side of me that is the executioner of hard truth. I know this.

:)) Enjoyed writing this xx