If I die today
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2021-07-30 08:19:20 (UTC)

to my love

To my love,
Dearest De-an
youre quite man that I dont know why you would want me. I appreciate you and love you so much even thou at times it doesnt seem like I know how to love. Youve bought new hope and light into my life. The struggle has been real and i'm sorry. I'm sorry that things moved so quickly forward and for the disappointment I am . Theres not much to offer but I hope that I have loved you well. Sorry for putting my own self preservation about your heart. It was been a struggle for me to think clearly about your ex. Its left and right and maybe everyones wrong. I dont hate her or want to hate her. I do hate the idea of people being taken adaavtage of and mentally/emotionally abused and I take things personally when they happen to you bc I love you but theres so much I dont know and your a grown man and free to make your own choices. I love your heart compassion stretghtn endurance and ambition. Your ability to freely just do what you want without fear or hesistion. your sweet heart. I'm proud of the man you are you are trutly a man which is non existance spieces in this world anymore. Weve had a lot of smiles and laughs. Your an amazing person inside and out. If I left you int this world I would want you to ahve a partner if the oppruinty comes please love someone who will ove and respect you and make you feel wanted. A partner for your life and helper a good woman. This may be touchy and redundent but I'd hope that you would come to the truth and to know theLORD as saviour and that whatever hurts and deception or whatever has blocked a relationship with HIM that would be broken thru and you would find truth and salavtion and even here on earth. I admire your ability to live humbly and not chase money greed or things. I would hope to leave you something but its unlikely. I hope you prosper in connection with your family and that your strong and stern in what is righteous true and good for you. I hope you find helaing from the aches and pains of daily life and injuries and whatnot that have ailed you so long . Its impressive that you can endure but I see the suffering and dont have answers but hope there is something to keep you living well and independent. It doesnt concern me if your friends with my friends ever but should anyone seek comfort from you Id hope you can handle that gently. I would just want to best for you without it being overwhelming whatever that may be. Right now I cant think of more but I just love you so much and am thankful an greatful for you and I want to be a family with you..