Rants of a jilted crazy woman
2021-07-30 06:53:07 (UTC)


so ive noticed that with my cycle comes weird barraging hate myself and him feelings. super insecure and in my head. LOVE hormones right. so yeah that time. been in my head and i hate myself. cried 2xs this morning but its with the thoughts in my head. and me getting dressed and the frustration i feel every damn day. neither of these are out of the normal and happen when im not close to my cycle starting. so its not just that. but the other day his son asked.. well thru him his sons mom asked about his birthday party, and frankly i dont want her out here. let alone anywhere near my husband. i dont know how well im gonna be able to keep my shit together if she attempts to come out for that. cause there will be rules. though he said he realized his mistake blah blah blah but idgaff. so i very well may not be able to be at my stepsons 16th bday cause of that whore. and yes i know it takes two. i get my husband is responsible for his own actions. but this bitch was living on my couch. we gave her safe haven to get her shit together and get off drugs and helped her find a job. she was planningon going back to school.... and the shit hit the fan. what pisses me off is when my husband told her ii knew she tried to justify herself and her actions... kid you not... she said well i was single.... bitch you knew damn well my husband wasnt. you couldve said no. do you realize ect or ask him if thats what he really wanted to do. anything. but i came to find out before she had sent a pic of herself topless,,,, so it wasnt him who started whatever but our marriage wasnt in a good place and its whatever... we are trying to workon it and its been a challenge. idk that i can face her without feeling the hurt and anger all over again, luckily right now she lives like 3 hrs away and is a shitty ass mom so shes not involved. BUT 16 is a big one... i just want to crush her and i cant. thats my stepsons mom and frankly though he said he loves me as his mom etc... that pos meth smoking trailer trash whore is his mom... and its literally only because of the child i havent gone ape shit. the kids dont know what he did. mine or his... and its gonna be a struggle. the idea has me so freaking triggered and i cant even talk to my husband about it at this point cause he is working on final touches of his foundation event that is happening on SATURDAY... today is thursday... and then he has his other one. and we have court a times. and its just... im gonna be buried by my anxiety before theres time to talk. i dont wanna take away from his excitement about the event and make this about me and my feelings. i should... but its a real big deal to him and i want it to be a good one... this man is far from deserving of me i know.... but isnt that love? putting someone elses happiness before your own. or whatever the saying is. i just wanna cry and fall apart and i cant. im not allowing myself,

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