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Dr. W's Space Travels
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2021-07-28 21:04:06 (UTC)

Space Cadet Could Have a Worse Life

Dr. Wood LV

Holy cow dude it’s a miracle. The Internet has been going strong for like three days straight! I’m still keeping my appointment to have the cables or whatever replaced, but I’m elated that my issues have gone away. Like what a lucky break that is – most of the issues I’d been facing lately were not ones that were just gonna “go away” on their own. All the car stuff was stuff that I had to coordinate. And I thought the Internet stuff was gonna be the same. But alas, here I am now, with Internet at 100% working capacity. A bone was indeed thrown my way. I hope I can learn to appreciate what I have a little better because of it. There was actually a point at work yesterday where I was having some access issues (unrelated to Internet connectivity), and I started getting really frustrated. But then I took a moment and realized how silly it was for me to do that, especially since I could’ve been faced with the alternative of the Internet just not working at all, or dropping like it had been doing last week. I could literally feel my anger subsiding – like it wasn’t even me lying to myself. That mini consolation helped. Same with when Injection Fairy Lily from Yu-Gi-Oh (who is on my wishlist) rolled in Muda this morning. As a note, when a wishlist character rolls, you get a notification. But you only have 30 seconds to claim, and I was having some trouble opening Discord on my phone, so I missed her. Got frustrated, but realized how unneeded the anger was. Just to clarify, this isn’t the kind of self-talk where I deny my feelings – it’s just putting something into perspective.

On the same lines… the day that I had the technician over to take care of my connection issues, my brother gave me a call. At this point, the technician had just left, and so far everything was in the green. As soon as my connection dropped, though, I threw a tantrum. I was still on the call with Eric, and he seemed kind of amused (not in a pretentious way, though). He told me it was kind of interesting to hear me get so worked up like that, because usually when I’m around him I’m pretty calm and optimistic. I’d like to think I just have a detestation towards technical issues – when things are supposed to be perfect and they aren’t. I’m keenly aware that that’s a shallow statement and that “nothing can ever be perfect”, but the bluntness of me saying that is to help convey my point. Anyway, Eric told me that while he understood my anger (accompanied by all necessary disclaimers: not wanting to discredit how I feel, not wanting to downplay my problems, etc.), there was an opportunity to really look at how things could be worse. I specifically remember him saying how “everyone was still alive and well”, referring to our relatives. I told him that there was a lot of truth in his words.

And I really do believe that. It’s easy to dismiss what he said because he was not experiencing what I went through, thereby rendering him unversed in my turmoil. I admit there was also a part of me that also wanted to brush his words off because I simply don’t want my expression of emotions to be criticized. Not that any bit of what he said nor his tone were stern or reproachful… I’m just a sensitive little fudge. And I have a lot of personal pride. That being said… my life really could have been worse. (I’m realizing now that this is so easy to talk about because my Internet problems are now – hopefully – in the past, so know that that is not lost on me.) There’s a common notion that saying “life could be worse’ is a terrible thing to say to someone who is experiencing real angst, that it harshly undermines their suffering. I still agree with that notion, or at least its implications. Having someone invalidate your feelings because someone else’s circumstances suck more is a great way to feel like a total weakling or a crybaby. Also, if everyone took such a saying to heart, there should ideally be only one truly sad person in the world. So yeah, while it’s true that life could be worse, it could be a hurtful thing to say to someone, by this argument. On the other hand – and this will sound like I’m sharply contradicting myself – the fact that it’s true that “life could be worse” can be helpful if put in the right perspective. While I’m biased towards my brother as I’m very close with him and therefore see a lot of his words in a positive, insightful light, I’m inclined to think that he meant for me to really consider his message that day, without laying judgment to my feelings.

I realize that “life could be worse” implies that “there is still good now”. It’s really just a reminder to not take so much of my life for granted. We’re coming out of a pandemic (I think… and hope…), where the world is slowly coming back to my fingertips. I can support myself, eat anything I feel like, sleep with an anime girl, and be any kind of person I wanna be. And my family is still alive and healthy, and I can talk to any one of them any time because I am on good terms with them. Oh, and my apartment complex hasn’t burned down – another day where my worst fear hasn’t come to fruition. Life is easy street for me and I need to remember that. So it’s really not about thinking “life could be worse” when things are going rough – it’s still important to express my frustrations when that happens. Rather, life could ALWAYS be worse, and realizing that when times are going swimmingly should serve as a reminder that “worse” hasn’t yet occurred, and that I should revel in the “now” that is comparatively “better”. Lots of quotation marks in this entry.

I don’t mean any of this in a way that makes me come off as a “superior thinker” (ah– more quotation marks), or that if someone doesn’t follow this, they are somehow less openminded. Though as I said in my last entry: if someone can benefit from my words, then all the better. Just like I was able to benefit from my brother’s words. Diary-writing has proven to be so helpful for tracking my thought patterns and piecing random ideas together, so me writing this is probably mostly for my benefit anyway.

Okay enough of the serious stuff. Things have been going great this week. I realized just how easy five hours of overtime is to accommodate – I’ve finished four hours already and still have two more days for the last one. I haven’t even had to give up my morning anime-watching routine. How strange that five hours versus ten hours is such a jump in sacrifice. Yes, life really could be worse XD Today I applied for the position of full-on group underwriter internally. Spent a lot of time rewriting my resume so I hope all goes well with that. I feel confident that I’m the kind of person they’re looking for… just a bit wary of the competition and if I slip up somewhere along the process. Home life is going swell, albeit quickly. Hard to find time to do things when I’m always looking for time to do things. I did start making a new track in FL Studio, and the basis of it is the “Brother Spider Appears” score from Demon Slayer. It’s a hugely underrated song that I just fell in love with. So I’m trying to make a dubstep song using that (though I’m making it entirely on my own, just using the same pattern of notes for the melody). And lastly – because I have to bring this up in every entry – Maitetsu is as wonderful of an endeavor as ever. Paulette is totally gonna be the best girl, I can feel it. Anyway, I’ll leave it at there for now – going to have a Discord call with my friend to watch him play some Lovely Planet Remix, and I’ll probably conclude the day with more Maitetsu. Life is good!


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