It's happening again. The ..inevitable.
It's happening again. The inevitable.
Feeling pain in my head, one of my wisdom teeth. Remembering Sad Things, feels like such a weight. Intrusive thoughts.
It ebbs and flows. And it's going to get worse.
The sensible thing to do would be to reach out. I want to. But I can't... It doesn't seem easy enough, to find a support group that isn't NA. And I don't want to burden the person I love, I'm afraid to be a burden and too much and being abandoned or forgotten again.
Funny how so many people feel so alone in our collective trauma, and we can't connect.
Remember the first few months of lockdown? It was like internet arguments increased just because everyone was so fucking... Tired of it.
Maybe I don't need a support group. Maybe I already have everything I need. I can write, and draw. I can buy a MUBI subscription. Maybe I don't even need pholcodine. Maybe I just need to make plans that take me outside. Just me and nature.
I saw a cat earlier, while I was resting on a bench with a heavy shopping bag. This, and other things keep reminding me how unfit I've become. Body and mind. But it was nice meeting a new cat. So that's some serendipity for the day.
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