If I die today
the day jo$h died
Well this morning mom filled me in that my nephew had been sick for a few weeks and was being treatd for repsoitory type stuff. Then today my sistertook him to the doctors as he wasnt doing well and her husband was home so she wanted them to all go together and in the doctors office he went into a sezuire turned blue and was in my sisters arms and she said she felt him go limp and die anyhow he was rescuitated and then taken by amblunance to johns hopkins. my mom is with my niece who is very upset since she heard my sister and mom on the phone. This is all I know. So he is alive right now (as far as i know) its been a couple hours I think it was close to 11ish I talked to mom so just waiting on an update. The olny thing I know to do is pray and physcially if it was to come to it I think I could scrouger up some sorta elivery food gift cards but have no idea how else to help right now and right now prayer is diffuclt. I told nDea on his lunch break whats up. Havnt shared with any friends thou just keeping it low till theres any sorta need. yLindse extended her stay with her family and so no plans tommorow. Yesterday nDea asked me about the family dinne I thought I'd be a y's Baile birthday so who knows maybe he will ask again. Anyhow physcially The same slept from 10ish to 5ish one melation. I smoked today at lunch. had all my vitimains today walked the dog this morning and did one excersize video. yesterday my birhtday gifts came. The watch is niiiice but not what he int4ended to order but its kinda cool. Also he got me a good coffee grinder that doesnt adjust the adjustment is still to fine for the french press so looks like we're returning that. It was all very thoughtful. Been tinking lately (not just as of today) but is it murder if you do things hasardous to yourself intentionally make choices that you know are unprofitable to the body . I guess it could depend on the risk but like smoking and stuff isnt that slow murder I mean smoking cigs I cant say the green is deadly but maybe. Anyhow I'm mentally a little distance so cant say too much more without this turning into a dedication to myself my feelings my crisis my memories and thoughts and life's not about that and so shutting it down.