If Satan were real, I'd be his biggest fan
As Slipknot says, I am hated
I was watching some mindless bullshit on television. It made me realize even more how I am so much different than, well, pretty much everyone else. I've never had a ton of friends and have always been a bit of a loner. My experience as a woman is different than most I'm sure. Guys don't chase me, never have. I'll say maybe 2 men ever have had crushes on me..... and one I fucked so, I think he just was all hot and bothered with my sex- lol. A third might have liked me, my sister says so at least. It was the guy I went to the prom with as friends. It very much seemed platonic to me. He even managed to hurt my feelings at the prom. He was dancing with other girls.... which was fine, we went as friends. I was actually impressed- he was kind of a nerd and was dancing with some hot and popular girls. So, go him! What hurt my feelings was that he said me and him should at least have one dance together. The reason? "Well, I guess I better dance with you at least once. If my parents find out I didn't they will hassle me about it". Gee, thanks. Couldn't have just said we should dance together since we came together. Couldn't have said as a friend that I looked nice. You just are dancing with me because you "have" too. And this is why I maintain he did not have a crush on me at all. So yeah, I feel only one guy ever had a crush on me.... and that was in high school. As an adult, I am seen as a fetish. Feet fetish guys like me, and guys that think I'm "goth". And when I say like me, I just mean want to fuck me. No one is ever interested in me as a person..... probably why I sound so pessimistic. I am just generally disheartened in people in general. Women are mean to me, men are mean to me. The husband said he doesn't know why I "need" a pet. I told the truth. I said, "You can be a real ass. My pet is always happy to see me". I need some joy in my life. Watching my shows, having people telling the "misfits" on the show how cool they are. If you are being told you're cool, you're not a misfit. I am a misfit, no one ever tells me I'm awesome. Any time I ever had friends (except once) they only called when they wanted something. And no, not my sparkling conversation. A ride to the mall, to watch their little brat while they shopped, money, clothing. Always wanted something. My friend for the longest duration made fun of me because she made more money than me and had less schooling than me. Did I mention she popped out babies for welfare? Went to school numerous times FOR FREE and never finished or blew the chances she had? Yet she was making more than me, and rubbed it in my face. She literally laughed at me over the phone. See how fair the system is in America? I mean, she could have thought it amusing all day long in her head. But to actually say it to me and laugh, that's when I called our friendship over.
I'm so disliked for just being myself, that I was even bullied while in nursing school. Did nothing to these women, but they'd make fun of me. Always snickers at my expense. The dumb girls always hate the smart ones.
At this point I'm just done. I'm used up from men just wanting sex, I'm used up from women who claim to be my friend, but are not. My level of caring is at zero.
I've gotten flowers from men twice in my life, jewelry from men zero times (other than the husband). Even the hubby only got me my ring and he gave me a pentagram ring he had. If we're talking fancy jewelry, hubby doesn't buy me that. I certainly have not been spoiled. I have been sent home after a guy fucked me, then claimed I was "too sleepy" to stay and watch a movie. I'm sleepy, so send me home- an hour drive, so I can fall asleep at the wheel and kill myself and others! God I hate people. When I die it will be the saddest funeral ever.... well no, maybe the happiest. It will have the fewest amount of people in history. LOL. I'm sure even lethal injections have more of an audience.
I hate how men act like pissing a lot, I dunno.... equates to a big dick? Or maybe it's just the fact that pissing brings up their dick. At work, the men ring for their urinals to be emptied like it's something to behold. One man was obsessed with finding an extra large urinal to buy.... one that was over the standard 1000ccs. Again, doesn't mean you have a big dick. I'm not happy to say, I saw that man's dick. Not big at all! I have a creepy man that always asks for me. He stays awake until I come to work. Nurses ain't easy bub (well, not with patients!). I have a very sick little male patient that I have a soft spot for. I love little old men, they are adorable. I made sure he was in tip top shape before I left work. My favorite patient ever died years and years ago now. I tried to get him to eat when he was dying. He liked ice cream. I still miss him. He died when I was on vacation.
Was randomly thinking about past jobs I had. Way back when, I drove a handicapped bus for a short while. I am a good driver. Well, to test you with the vehicle, they sent you on a driving test when the bus was empty. I don't even remember who the jackass was that they sent with me, but he was in charge of the test. I was nervous, but like I said- I'm a good driver. I feel this man was a male chauvinist. I did great, but he just HAD to criticize something. He told me I was driving too close to the white line. I repeat, the WHITE line. The one on the side of the road with no traffic. He said and I quote, "Drive close to the yellow line. This is a big vehicle, people will move over". Did I mention a big portion of the driving test was on a 70MPH speed limit highway? A highway this douche suggested I test the center line with.... in a handicapped bus. I hate to sound like a man hating bitch, but come on. I have the evidence to back up my thoughts! I don't hate all men, I guess I just have a bad perception of them as a whole. Reasons like this story are why.
The weather has been cooler for a few days, which I like. Summer, like daytime, is not my jam. I don't like the sun on my skin, I get freckles very easily. My neighbors probably chuckle at my huge ridiculous sun hats I wear outside.
Well, that's all I feel like writing on here. Onto writing a negative Amazon review. I've come to like reviewing my Amazon products.
"The whole world is my enemy, and I'm a walking target. Two times the Devil with all the significance."