Ninja Girl

Diary of a Breakup
2021-07-22 08:49:53 (UTC)

Dammit. One flaw.

I adore T.
Spending time with him and how much HE adores ME.

This is a guy who would give me his kidney. And he's good at fucking.

Except...he's a full-time dad. So if he's home, the kid is home.

I can't keep having Jeep sex. I refuse. I pinched a nerve for the first time ever. Then I destroyed the skin on my back, even WITH a blanket down.

I'm working on getting my own place but you know..divorce housing market isn't exactly stacked in my favor anytime soon. At best, it'll be the fall.

So cool, get a hotel right? Geezus FUCK hotels are expensive now! Like the ghetto hotels that B and I stayed in for like $40 are now over $200. Thanks covid.

And I stupidly said I would pay, because I thought it would be cheap. Thing is, I think he makes less than me. And this makes me a bitch, but I struggle with that. Every single guy i've dated up until now made at LEASt as much as me, if not more (like 10x more).

It's one thing for me to pay my way for stuff. But it's another if he's going to be struggling to do the shared things I want to do (like trips).

Fuck I miss B for that. Being a plastic surgeon and dropping cash.
I also miss when I didn't have to worry about money.

Anyone who says money doesn't buy happiness is wrong. It didn't make up for all my UNhappiness but fuck, to not have to worry about money like this...I was frugal before but not "omg i'm going to be homeless" level since I was 25.

So what does an asshole like me do? Get on Tinder and assess guys who might be slightly wealthier. I shouldn't be doing this, I barely have time to date the ONE guy. But homeboy needs to figure out his finances before he starts dating women.