If I die today
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nDea found a house he is interested in didnt get the pricing thou. The email to the community said this week is magaments last week in the perk they are laid off for changes and theres someone like remotly to contact for concerns so nDea suspects they may be selling the trailer park. Anyhow so he's lookin for housing I outright said it I spoke it yesterday and said well if we move is C gonna visit. I think I hit a sore spot and well anyhow he didnt see the probelm I reminded him I was uncomfortable with her in my home and I wouldnt go to hers so if she did hitch a ride with his daughter tovisis I would be uncomfortable and I told him that we can arrange to live seperatly if its that big a deal to him. My heart goes out to him and have mercy on his daughter to have to tell her mother shes cant come visit but also my point of view is I dont know the woman that well andi'm weak. I'm easy prey too and well I dont wanna get wrapped up in that mess and to top it all off in my own mind its been magnified how bad I suck at everything and look at my standard of living here yeah I'm kinda getting ashamed of my disfunction and embarassed and that could fuel anyone trying to make me feel bad alll they gotta do is start commenting and chattering . Anyhow what does it all matter will she really want to ocme over would she invite and/or force herself? IDK I just dont know herwell and im not comfortable. I guess itll all work itself out. Anyhow feeling smart about the gift card I took the whole like from the cell phone down to the last odd digit and typed it in my computer bam it workd I got my gift. without attaching all my devices and linking them in cyber space it took a minute or 2 and an attention span but I did it. In other news been having trouble sleeping even last night with the 1 melation at 9ish it took a while to drift. todday is 21 days on the excersize video so challange complete I still need to go on but I can be more flexible with my weekends i guess althou i'm gaining weight. I gotta get that under control. Still have a coffee addiction. Right afte4r my sister text me happy bday then my neice did IDK if her mom told her or if she was sincere but that was kind and sweet of both them. I talked to my mom. I didnt tell her I thought I got her pillows turns out I got her pillow cases for thier annivery lol. did I mention still have a coffee addition. Anyhow I had a small pizza for lunch I ordered 2 smalls some wings and my free cookie was for nDea ( I cant have it bc allergies) 10min before lunch he got called to a 2hour job at work. so anyhow I havnt seen him since well before 7this morning. Hopefully he will be done in time. I ate my pizza and tried to nap but the nap was less than what Id hoped althou I took 2hours its wasnt actually sleep I was texting and then laying in bed and whatever. been taking probotics and gas -x today sepertaly probitics in case i drink and gas x well bc better safe than sorry and if theres sex tonight id preffer not to find out im gasssy. did chores today as usual except a ew dishes that I guess I'lll mess with later walked instead of run this morning . things are kinda simple not much to complain about.