The Life Of Scar Girl

The Life Of Scar Girl
2021-07-15 23:16:14 (UTC)

Had a dream I needed brain surgery....

Was an on and off sleep last night. Which tends to happen when im stressed or feeling depressed. One of the dreams i did have though was...i was in a typical medical room in one of those typical l ugly gowns they make you wear. You know those hideous blue and white ones. I remember there being a female nurse and a male dr. sitting with me at a table. And they were having me do all this weird brain tteasers and exercises. Like putting blocks together etc. And then I remember laying on a table face down and crying because they were cutting some of my hair were they had to make an incision and saying oh ya.... I just gotten a hair cut i don't need one.. Probably cause I was traumatized by what was about to happen. And then I remember them putting an IV in about to go under anesthesia. And that feeling like i was about to fall asleep from it. I remember panicking and trying to keep my eyes open because I was terrified i wasnt going to wake up from it. And in the part where im trying to force myself to stay awake. I remember feeling the nurse cut the incision where my skull was. And thats when i finally fell asleep. The nurse yelling at me and telling I'll feel the pain if i stay awake.

After that I woke up. And now my head just feels like it's in a fog and my skull feels weird. And i just feel really out of it right now. Maybe its just cause im tired and doesn't feel like i actually slept. And could be from my depression kicking back in with everything going on.

I also feel like im getting a cold.. Because I cant really do a whole lot. I cant exercise really. And some days it takes a lot to even take a shower or get up to go the bathroom.

So unfortunately i think this is going to be a long recovery for me. Especially if the physical therapy doesnt work.

Ugh. Im so tired and just want to feel what i consider normal for me.




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