Broken Glass Park
Appreciating Any Small Joys...
I need to find any little joy anywhere I can. Someone I know who practically has everything I don't - a husband, kids, friends (I know, I know... things aren't always what they seem, but I can still make the point I'm going to make...), says she can't get into stupid humour. Me, I highly appreciate stupid humour. I probably always have. Filthy Frank was a huge help in getting me through last year. For some reason, I never watched him before. Just going by the name, I expected him to look more like Ethan Klein from H3H3, but no, he's played by the super-cute Joji. I have gone into topics now, that I did not initially plan to write about, but I love going off on tangents!
Anyways... I have ordered the movie Thor. I should get it tomorrow. It is still the only Thor movie I've seen. I saw it several years ago and my husband picked on me because I had a thing for Loki. He said he was "Weird-looking." That's fine, he didn't understand. He also had a thing against the British, mostly in a joking way. Like, he just found them highly annoying. Lol. The one and only British person we met was highly annoying, but there are assholes in every country and kind people in every country. Anyways...
"Monk" is coming on TV on Sunday night! Yes! I was obsessed with that show in 2013. My husband actually watched that show before I did. I had trouble getting into hour-long TV shows... and forget watching a whole entire movie! Lol. YouTube videos are kind of perfect for me in that sense. Just to go off on a little tangent... I could not move when I rewatched the 2009 Star Trek movie. Not only did I watch a whole movie in one sitting, I was transfixed and couldn't even pause it to go pee! Lol. So freaking good!
So, anyways... I'd always appreciated the "Monk" theme song, but when my husband pointed out that Monk reminded him so much of me, I started watching it. Not to give too much away, but I quickly learned there was a much deeper and sadder background to Monk than I realized. The show is often comical, but it's so much more than just this goofball detective with OCD. That's really what I mistakenly thought, at first.
While there is lore and story in Filthy Frank videos, reading Francis Of The Filth really showed the depth of the story. That is my favorite book - so strange, funny and deep, all at once. It would make such a fantastic movie, if done right. If Joji played Frank, because who else would(?), I'd want to play the "woman" he meets that I think, kisses him. 😉 Actually, that would be so nerve-wracking. I don't know how actors and actresses do it!
Initially, I was going to say how silly it is, that such frivolous things make me happy, but now that I've written this out, I understand.
I wish I could know what my husband thought of Filthy Frank. I think he'd either laugh his ass off (maybe secretly?) Or roll his eyes at me for laughing so much at it. Both?
The other things, though, take me back to times with him, since we are both Trekkies and enjoy "Monk." I even enjoy the memory of him making fun of me for liking Loki so much. Not that this will happen, but... how guilty would I feel if Tom Hiddleston and I met and got together... considering my husband was annoyed that I had a thing for him/Loki? I'll feel initial guilt, no matter who I end up with, if anyone else.
I get so many crushes because different people remind me of my husband in different ways. Sometimes I can appreciate good things about others, even if they are different qualities than my husband possessed.
Roomie/Joel is a little reserved for instance and not super-outgoing. He's not super shy, but he's also not super-social like my husband was.
I don't know.
Along with these joys that take me back to good times with my husband (that end up making them not so frivolous, after all - besides art/entertainment, can help you through hard times, anyway. I'd love to start creating my own art of some sort, though.), I have this fighting spirit in me. I've been through so much, I'm unbelievably strong and even if I don't "got this" all the time, God does.
I've been watching some short Jordan Peterson clips that inspired me. One in particular in which he says something to the effect of making small goals for yourself each day - ones that you can reasonably, achieve. It won't be glorious, but something is a hell of a lot better than nothing!
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