TM49

My History Of Familial Incest
2021-07-09 14:36:29 (UTC)

The S Word

I wish I meant sex but stress is the word at large. I don't even want to explain it all because I don't think it will help me feel better. What will make me feel better is an end to a couple things that seem as if there is no end soon. I know how vague it seems and I will leave it at that. I feel mentally worn but that also isn't unusual. Our minds and bodies are strange creatures. Sometimes they work as one or else fight the other tooth and nail. Physically I feel alright, better than I have been. Mentally it's as if someone has tapped me like a barrel of whiskey and all my energies and good sense is slowing draining out to the ground. I suspect there is a depression but I am fighting it the best I can. I wonder continually why it seems woe follows me. If I lived as a victim that I'd say that I am inviting strife into my world and that I would have to change it. Of late, these circumstances are outside of myself. I am not responsible for the cause but am responsible for the clean up, so to speak. Some of it is the increasing care taking of my mom. I hope I will be up to this challenge. My siblings get to opt out it seems. One slowly killing his brain cells and the other out of state living his life. Lucky him. A caretaker loses the right to their own life. You adapt your life around the person you care for. I just don't know. I am so fucking tired.
-TM




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