Through the Looking-Glass
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I'm struggling a little today, my teeny tiny brain is finding it hard to focus because we had a few drinky-poos last night. I didn't get drunk but enough to feel it this morning, ughhh. Up at 7 am and draaaagged myself out of bed, I wanted to stay in it and I wanted the architect in it with me and fuck his face till I creamed inside his mouth and he fed it back to me. Ahhhh, we are sooooo going to do that! He is so s.e.x.y. He is 49 years old, fit, athletic, dark hair, anddddd oh my, a hairy chest, belly and forearms. Yumm fkn yummm, my fav!
I don't know what it is with guys telling me they love me? This is not what usually happens, normally they desire me or want to befriend me. Not tell me they love me when I am not in a relationship with them.
The Architect, met me via the dating site, full of life he is, a happy funny guy with no parenting emotional traumas from the past, lol or lingering ex's, no traumatic relationships, funny ones though, lol. He doesn't have kids, just through the nature of past relationships whereby, they didn't have any.
He is a bit of a voyeur but an inexperienced one, he loves the fact other men desire me, asking me on dates, he wants others to want me. It is only the nature of the chase and eroticism surrounding the seduction of it all, sexual tension etc. He met me on the dating site and his enigmatic ways drew me in. I loved the fact he was so animated, yet mature, playful, yet responsible. His high sexual charge was sensed before even a word was mentioned on that side of things, I was already enthralled and wanted to know more of him. We haven't met yet, but already there is this intensity between us, not just sexual. You know, when you keep thinking about them? Yes, like that.
He is an open communicator, freely expresses himself without fear and shared with me a lot regarding his friends (by names), his family, his past relationships, his sexual interests, his work, even sent me videos of his man cave at the end of his garden. He built it to enjoy partying into the early hours with his friends. I thought, at first because he said it was soundproofed that it was some naughty sex den, LOL, smh me and my imagination, but he hasn't actually had a woman in there for that, he has his own three-bed house like me. The mancave is kitted out with sofas, big screen, music, bar, lighting etc. His friends look really cool, fun, normal everyday people in their forties.
So on the dating site, my name is Bonnie, I don't use my real name but will reveal it to guys who get past the messaging stage on the app and integrate into Whatsapp. The architect and I have been chatting on the phone every day, texting, having fun. I love his energy, it's positive, loving, sexual, fired up yet he has this soft affectionate side about him too.
Anyway, the point of this entry is not to give him a pulsing massive head (LOL) Mmmmmmm, fuuuuck! :D The point is what he said to me and keeps saying to me, it's fucking with my sensible antenna.
So during our two-hour chat yesterday on the phone, I told him, "Oh, btw my name isn't Bonnie it's ****" and he replied, "Oh no! No, we can't do this!" then laughs and says, "No way!" and I said, "whaaaat?" He said, "My sister's name is the same as yours! and her husband's name is the same as mine! Oh my god, is this real?!" and we both laugh, I tell him, look you can call me Bonnie, it doesn't bother me, it has meaning to me anyway. So we're doing that for now....
As we kept on talking he said, 'Look, end of July I'm borrowing my parents' house who live in Dorset, it's a beautiful house, they're going away for five days and I asked if I could stay there for four days, to get away for a bit." I said, "Okay, that will be nice." He said, "Well if you want you could join me. It's up to you but I would love for you to come. It has nice restaurants there, the beach, all sorts, you'll love it." I didn't say yes or no but was a little bit taken aback by his offer. Later in the conversation, almost two hours later, I was chatting away and we were laughing at what I was saying and he stopped me in my tracks suddenly, "Bonnie! Bonnie!" I replied, "Yesss?" a bit stumped at his sudden interruption. He said, "Bonnie, I love you" I went quiet, confused, my head thinking WHY do men say those words so flippantly, I wasn't sure if I was annoyed or should take the compliment. He interjects again, "Bonnie. Two hours we've been speaking for, hours days before this too. Time leaves us when we talk, it's so fun and you're so sensual. Bonnie, I am already falling in love with you and I haven't even kissed you yet!" I was speechless, not entirely sure why. It's hard for me to decipher real affectionate intentions from someone because I have been fooled so many times by men with other agendas. He said, "Have you lost your words?" he gave a soft laugh, "You're beautiful bonnie."
Well, he knew I had to get off the phone as I needed a shower and put on a new layer of bronzer on my body and he knew I had a No3 date calling me at 3 pm. The architect kept me on the phone until 2.45 pm, lol, knowing full well I would put my shower and bronzer before my phone call to No3 date and make him wait or even miss the call. That was his plan of course, lol. I did speak to No 3 date on the phone at 4 pm but for the gruelling 20 minutes of my time chatting to this guy, all I could think of was the architect.
I have an aching for him, and he does for me and it's odd because I don't usually feel this way until much further down the line, way further down the line and mostly after we've touched each other!
The architect continued to text me through the night, and first thing this morning at 7.10 am! We text shortly and I needed to go and get stuff sorted, school run, conference call etc. He said, "I'm off work today, as I hoped we would win the England game, you can call me if you like. I miss you." I called him after my conference call and we chatted for just over an hour and just as I was about to end the call as needed to get back to work, he said, "Bonnie?" I said, "Yes?" he said, "I love you." I paused, and then chortled, "Why do you keep saying that!" he said, "Because it's the way I feel about you." I said, "Right, okay. Well, I'll see you later." He said, "Yes, we'll text each other"
Anyhoo, as exciting as this is I am not letting myself go full-on and keeping part of me thinking sensibly, I know matters of the heart should be felt with the heart but in the world we live in, it doesn't matter how genuine your heart is, others will destroy it for their own satisfaction and from my experience so far in the dating game, it is toxic, tiring and fundamentally full of deceit. The matter of endless choice in partners and sexual encounters is rife too. It is imperative I keep my mental faculties thinking strategy at this time before I let my heart take over or I will end up getting hurt again.