If I die today
Not sure whats going on right now so this maybe breif or long the basics first althou I ffcould rant all day . just got back from the mall visit with eAnn. The house smells chemically? pinesol maybe IDK but its super irraiing to me so I'm sitting outside on my computer hopeing the smell dies down soon. I'm really in a funk as far as feeling like a failure again today. Had a good visit thou and didnt mention the disfuction. Its me thou I'm the one with the problems and malfunctions. UGGGRR IDK what too do its overwhelming just life. Maybe its an autistic thing IDK . I just suck t living to any sorta quality standar and i'm so so afraid I cant be what anyone needs but spefically nDea dont wanna loose but can I do it. yesterday I watched on truth unedieted the verse in 1sthess about no temption has overcome. I think I have a lot of temptiondiet wise and also just humanlly like I wanna throw in the towel and quit and I suppose I could eat chips and drink ll day althou even right now that doesnt sound too soothing. Inside my head I suck a lot and am hurting frustrated at nothing more than myslf I'm scare of loosing this reqaltionship on the phsycial not much notewothry slept from about midnight to 7ish I'm on my second dose of coffee now picked that up at the mall. IDK I'm lame. frustrated at myslef. I'm not ammused writing anymore right now so I'm off same old same if i expire ..
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