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2021-07-11 21:53:42 (UTC)

Groomed for Money

The runners up for the title were O-missionary Style and Tech's Evasion.

The molten fires of my mind have calmed just a little bit in the last few hours.
I apologize for having an Edna Pontellier Moment and just walked out of my house and refused to return for hours

Edna is described as having “realized her position in the universe as a human being, and to recognize her relations as an individual to the world within and about her,” (Chopin VI) when her “awakening” begins and she realizes her place in society. (ref

Naturally my knowledge of this book is far superior than remembering who was on the Clairtonian Homecoming Court or how to get MISS SUE to give me just the right box of hair. AINT GOD GOOD & WONT HE DO IT!!! The consequences of my behaviors are unbalanced. My maturity and freedom are always being attacked. I don't take kindly to being heckled or shooed.. I do not live in any delusion where I am a ganster assasin or military operative such that my taking a walk for some air would APB a whole neighborhood. I think that is childish and excessive. I felt the need to defend myself about my homelife being stressful. NOW is this YOUR Delusion or Mine?

I am just trying to keep my life in perspective. To be more attentive to spiritual attacks. Instability of myself and others. Know the difference between emotional blackmail and a TRUE cry for help. Many struggle for a good fit (in this world). I think trust a big issue right now. How do I feel about being safe? smart? strong? kind? complete? beautiful?

Bet: I want a tattoo
I want chicken that is delicious and flavorful
I want to work a job that does not give me nightmares similar to "The Wishmaster"
I want to lose ANOTHer lbs by 2022

I have a couple clean up comments that have been rounding my thoughts. Katt from 9mag called Ryan delusional and I did a little word hunt on it.
Im DC.....late
Bookish and Blameless
I want to have a good relationship with the truth.
Somebody that talk all day is a throat psycho and I need my (I)pee potent.

Lastly: Again not the most polished entry I've ever rendered but I'm giving good brain
MY heart is respecting the power of now 2021, battling epidemics and taking inventory or ourselves.
I just wanted to close out with a list of delusions in defense of myself and my situation being self-diagnosed with Capgras of the Rap Game variety: Non-Bizarre

List of Delusions: Bizarre an non Bizarre
persecution guilt or sin grandeur religious(assigning punishment to self or others)
jealousy somatic (mites) thought insertion nihlism
tv delusion delusion of reference (faking info) thought withdrawl
delusion of control (sub: binge bulemic) clinical lycanthropy (vamps)
delusions of reference thought broadcasting Reduplicative Paramnesia (classrooms)
Fregoli (Fallen feat: Denzel) Anthropomorphism.

Its clean and quick. Duplessy, well referenced. Sadly I was............Groomed for Money