Do I have no more emotion
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2021-05-06 20:21:28 (UTC)

my family

growing up for me wasnt like everyones usual family, i grew up seeing abuse. My mother was getting physically, emotionally , and mentally abuse by my own dad. seeing this pretty much every day was our normal, growing up in a house with 7 siblings was hardly ever fun. As we grew up into teenagers, our dad had an affair with my aunt, and our mom had to be ok with that because our dad said so. i remember my mother telling us one day that never have a husband that beats us like our dad does to her, she said this as she got done being dragged and beat by our dad and we were all together crying in fear for her and for us. we also went through the abuse as we became teenagers, our house was never full of love it was full of anger. fast forward to being adults ( 21yrs old ) they finally got a divorced, he left my mom for another lady ( of course) he did so many things that other would be in shock if i were to tell the stories, i get embarrassed when ever my husband asks about my child hood.
anyways, now that we all have kids, married and have our own life ( im older now) he made his own little family with a young lady in another country, and my mom is not happy with it because to her he treats our half siblings better than us and he is acting like they are his only kids ( according to my mother) I agree but im an adult and there is nothing i can do about it. Ive never met them or his new significant other. As I am getting older, have my own kids now, I am thinking about my mother and father, how i don't really know them as "parents" more my dad than my mom. i haven't talked to my dad in years and finally he calls me and we are chatting catching up, he tells me that he hasn't heard from me in a while and i tell him that the last time i sent him a text message he didnt reply and before that i used to call and text him and would never hear from him, he said it was because he was busy and now he doesnt really work as much, he has time. i felt bad for him, i can hear from his voice that he has gotten old, he doesnt sound like the dad i last seen ( so i think ). i have been thinking on trying to work on getting a relationship with my parents because i want my kids to know my side of my family. the thing is my mom cant stand my dad, she still holds anger towards him, she has all the reason to be mad, I'm not discrediting her feelings but maybe they can talk it out or let it go because my dad will probably never apologize.
i extended an invitation to him to come to our house and visit, and he said he would like to come and to remind him a week before. the thing is my mother will be in town that week, my dad sounds like he isn't angry towards her ( he used to hate hearing about my mom) , i told my mom as a heads up that i invited my dad. she said it's ok, he's our dad and who knows how many years he has left and that she doesn't expect me to kick him out. so i told my sister about this and she feels like it a bad idea to have them both spend the night ( separate rooms of course), because she is still holding a grudge and she may say its ok to me but it will end up as a mess.
I want to have them get along and be cordial with each other and interact when a public setting, i want my kids to see thier grandparents, i want to see something different for once, i want to have a father relationship with my dad and a mother relationship. i don't want to hear negativity when i bring him up. my husband doesn't agree that he comes when my mom is in town, he feels like he should come when my mom isnt here, he feels like my dad is reaching out because he wants something ( my dad was the one to reachout). I feel like its time he sees his grandkids, i know he probably doesnt care or have a connection like daughter to father with me.
am i wrong to want this? am i wrong to invite my dad over? is there a possibility that he changed? i dont know now, when i was talking to my dad on the phone it felt like a good idea to invite him, but to my husband it wasnt and he was upset we didnt talk about this before i invite