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2021-07-10 15:03:14 (UTC)

Dating Stuff

On another note, now I got that last entry out the way, lol. My dating life, well.....as always it is colourful, lol.

Where do I begin?

Okay, I'll break it down.

Firstly, my male submissive.
Whom's passion is to serve, who gets deep satisfaction from doing so. This is his need and wants, it's all about him. Nothing to do with me, I, however, do not have a deep need or want to have a male or female person submitting to me. But I understand him, and I know where he is coming from, I know why and what he needs in order for him to feel happy. And although, I have given him a snippet of that happiness to appease him, because I am humanitarian, lol, in whichever form it presents itself to me. I could not continue being his "Queen" as it displaces my road ahead and that requires that I am not attached in other ways on any emotional or psychological level to another person, in order to allow the man that I will love to come into my life. It would be unfair, to him and to myself and to my sub. So, we have said our sayonara's.

Next, the psychiatrist.
He quoted many times to me that, "I love you x" and did what he needed to do in order to have his psychological playtime. Haha, he is a lot of fun but ultimately knowing him triggered heightened loneliness in me due to the way he behaved and that didn't sit right with me. We too, said our goodbye's rather difficultly over a few days, lol, because we both enjoyed each other's company and wordplay fuckery very much that tweaked sexual chemistry. So, that was tricky but we managed it.

Mr Builder...
Two dates we went on, both went well but I was wholly aware of the way things kept going wrong before we met each other each time, you know when you think you're trying to achieve something and lots of barriers get in the way? Well, it was the same thing and I noted it mentally and I knew that he was not going to be for me. As it turned out, the worst of the worst happened before our third date, and that date was going to be intimate. At my home, a movie and him wanting to be closer to me. During our time I was not overly drawn to him, I knew he wasn't my person normally but I decided to see what happens, I made no decisions and let life take control. The day we were meant to have our third date, he sent messages from early morning all day, excited to see me, be near me, spend time with me and he rushed his daughter's wallpapering in her flat to get home and get ready to come be with me.

He had a history of health issues, although he was fit as a fiddle now and his work life kept him energised and toned. A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with diabetes, the doctors began medication and within one month he lost three stones in weight, the doctors were baffled and said there was something wrong and it wasn't normal. Mr builder was laying paving in a garden one day and keeled over on the floor having a heart attack. While he was in the hospital and survived it, his body completely reset itself and his diabetes totally disappeared and again doctors were baffled. They started doing tests and he carried on with life during this and since until the day we were meant to meet for the third time. I received a message from his 18-year-old daughter telling me he had a stroke and was in the hospital, she followed that with photos of him in hospital on the hospital bed with ECG all wired up to him. I thought, "Fuuuuuuuucccckkk!" now that is heavy! Well, he was in the hospital for three days, the second day they did a dye test on him to check wherein the heart had caused the mini heart attack. He texts me throughout the rest of his stay in hospital ( 3 days in total) and our communication dwindle from there. Mostly, from my side, because I knew he will need to concentrate on his health and wellness, my loving is likely to give him another heart attack, LOL.

So onwards I go,
And so far I have four new men that have asked me out on a date. One will be next week and the others will be after that when I make solid arrangements as to where and what day/evening. One guy runs his own heating business and lives ten minutes from me. Number 2, works in IT and is funny and nice. Number 3, is far too friendly and forthcoming and works in management. Number 4, is highly sexual, posh and runs his own architecture company.

To be frank, I'm not 100% all-in and dating has just become a sort of thing that happens now, I've lost much of the excitement that belongs to it but that possibly maybe because I haven't met someone more aligned with me yet. Who knows.....


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