Control. Overwhelming loss of. I need control. No, I don’t need control. I need to be controlled. By a schedule. A strict one. Less freedom in choosing entertainment because I can’t even control that at all. Can’t choose. I need a full week of the same thing because it’s impossible to create a replica of each day without having the same thing happening at the exact same time, the exact same way as the day before. If I complete a full week of it then I can insert tiny things.
Also, listen to more NF music. I forgot how good those songs were. Emojis just don’t seem right to use right now. Maybe if I were feeling like it. Here are usually 3 ways I am.
1. How I was for the latter part of this day. Preventing myself from thinking or feelings too much or too intensely.
2. When I’m annoyed by people and most likely listening to glitchcore music or loud stuff, hyper and/or angry.
3. The face of energy I put on around people. Around family and people that are not of my household fam.
4. Tired. Too tired to get out of bed. Or do anything for that matter.
I don’t have energy. Or rather I don’t have enough energy, usually, to spring myself out of bed and get into action but if all my days becomes replicas then making it’ll be possible to instill energy into myself, whether it’s fake or real. Maybe I could borrow that hype from mood #2.
Time to go create alarms and do it tomorrow.
Entertainment to be inserted for now is probably Berleezy, mha since I can do word searches while watching, genshin bc my level is mad low, and manga so I don’t forget since memory isn’t my strong point when it comes to storylines.
Also, no more of *that*. To be honest, it needs to be out of mind and out of sight. First, bc I’m not even like that. It’s not necessary. Second, it’ll make me feel guilt. Third, I’m an idiot.
Goodnight. Wait frick I gotta set alarms.
edit: lol wait i take all this back. im only controlling times i eat so that i have a sort of set break time.