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2021-07-07 14:58:47 (UTC)


You know what I wish I had right now? Energy. Energy and motivation. I have a set goal because I’ve realized that if I’m not restricted by a schedule, everything is boring and uninteresting. But I’m still bored because I’m only going to start tomorrow and I don’t have enough energy to get out of bed and do something right now.
I’m not eating. Eating may satisfy me emotionally but I’m not hungry so I shouldn’t. I don’t want to watch any of those shows. I don’t want to read and of those stories. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I don’t feel like watching any YouTube. But I am going to go watch Berleezy play some horror games because I have nothing better to do with my life.

Oh wait. I just realized it. Feelings aren’t necessary to make a status update. It was brief but I mentioned it in my personal diary thingy. If I were to just give a small gift of my current life situation it’d be something like:

I’m sitting on my bed, with the fan on, curtains closed, not listening to music even though I have earbuds in. My family, I don’t know what they’re doing since I’ve been in bed since I woke up except for like one trip outside my room. I haven’t eaten a thing since I woke up. I’ve drank tea. My neck hurts.

Maybe that would be better but I’m tired of this. I’m bored of it. I’m bored of saying I’m bored. I’m tired of writing. Tired of reading. Tired of watching. It’s all so repetitive and nothing could change it. I want relief. I want to d-

I have pretty big hands. Or maybe that’s just how it looks because I’m younger right now and my perspective is different.

This is all so pointless. If I didn’t have a diary I think that boredom would’ve consumed me even faster. How I managed before is a mystery. Maybe I got so tired of it that my brain died and I no longer could think thoughts. That’s a good alternative though. Maybe I’ll stop writing here. Try and manage my feelings in my head like a normal person. Stop writing, yeah.