taking heed

slightly exaggerated
2021-07-07 04:07:06 (UTC)


italy won the damn semi final game by the thinnest of margins. the vibe definitely waivered and strained under the full press of the spanish attack, but ultimately, rose above. quality soccer. down to the final moments and penalty kicks.

this isn't a soccer entry.

i was wrecked. the tension of the game plucking at nerves frayed by a cmt flare. the last 3 days have featured noticable right thigh and arm pain/activation/atrophy in real time. the carving out of the muscle definition in the upper areas of my extremities is fucking depressing. it floods my brain with thoughts - won't be long now. what muscle is there left to destroy? why can't i stop it or even slow it down?? what the fuck. my diet is decent, th... the stress.

the stress. current working theory centers around (asd-induced) over stress, burnout and it's relationship to cmt flares. i always seem to get zapped during or slightly after overwhelming events - ie closet flood scooter probz. i've noted this going back years but

so anyways, the punch of the positive sports result was muted.

it's those days where you feel an extra layer of disabled lacquered on top.

fuck england, pre-emptively.

and happy fucking disability pride month of July.


*rest mode activated*

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