If I die today
2021-07-04 08:29:58 (UTC)

today is today

To start with the basics well I'm alive that stomach type pain is a pin quite discomfrtable but its possible now I'm overusing the gase ex but that will end today since the event(s?) are today. I can straighten up my diet too I'd hope. my acid reflux is pretty severe yeup I dont wanna know what kinda dmagae I'm gonna have in 20 years. I'm sleep my back hurts all across the low back s/c junction (to sound smart) behind my hips into my butt. slept from aorun 11 I guess until 630is the dog woke me up bout 9 I got up so in between there waas on and off sleep. Its warm its 82 now but sitll supposed to be in the 100's today blaha.So today I cant say I'm patrotic but given if there was an issue i'm on this side the fence this is the land I urvie on and I'd defned it. Anyhow today the party and the IDK if were stopping in nDea's or not we didnt talk more about it yesterday . Obviously he's worried about me and C sh!t I'm worried about it and I'm trying to be deginfied but really why would I want t purposly add a person like that in my life open the flood gates for some sorta drama. LORD knows I'm a sucker for that. so who knows. then us me and my love are going to see the local fireworks is the plan. He ddidnt sleep well last night thou so I guess we will see how his day plans out which will effect mine. IDK what to do I suppose I will have to face the music that either I'm the reason he wont go to his family thing or I'll hoave to go and figure out how to "behave"e/ What is it I' should do. maybe I can wish her away? right I guess that sounds evil I dont see GOD isolating her more than she is. GUess I should drop that idea. Who knows thou maybe thers something else she can do during the time we would go? something that'll be good for her ? Still nervous about my love meeting my friens these are all church people and they dont even know me dam near as well as him and wll lets face it we've got some unholy habbits here for lwack of term. im strugling he's lost. IT is what it is thou true friends will be true friends. Otheres might fade . I'm a handful. Anyhow I wish I had something to say inspiring or encouraging but not much as far as the holiday. AS far as assest I do have my check still in the bank guess its all the same. Nothing is really touching me or weighing on me it'd be a bummer to go out now like a punk thou but I'm aiming at a loooong life with some sorta purpose I'm not gonna give up.

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