Letting it out
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2021-07-04 03:36:01 (UTC)

She's special

It's like I don't know who I am without her. I don't want to know how my life would be without her, I promised myself not to get attached again but it's too late since I'm writing this. Is it normal to feel jealous over someone who's not yours? Maybe. Right person, the wrong time I guess. It just sucks because I don't think she feels the same way as I do, not anymore anyway. I mean she did tell me I used to make her feel special but she was just confused, like... what does that even mean???? I still do my best to make her feel like she's the only girl in the world, even though every cell in my body is telling me to let her go, FOR GOOD THIS TIME, but my heart is telling me the opposite and I'm more of a “follow your heart” type of guy. She caught feelings for me when I didn't see her as more than a friend and now I catch feelings for her when she's lost hers. I'm such an idiot because deep down I've always known that she's a one-of-a-kind type of girl. Women come and go, sure. But not her. EVERYONE has told me that she's not good for me, I don't blame them, we have a history filled with pain and hurt but then again I've never felt closer to anyone than I have with her. I get to be who I want with her, I get to be who I am, without the worry of her judging me. She's always been there for me and I've always been there for her but we just let other people poison our heads. She knows that she's hurt me so much and I've hurt her but we never meant to, I guess that's why we always come back to each other. I do not care what anyone else says, after her family, I've loved her more than anyone, I would lay down my life for her, I know that's a big assumption but I know I would because when I nearly died one day, she was there and my only thought was to make sure she doesn't get hurt because I honestly don't care about myself too much and if I get killed or not. Where I'm raised, you can get killed as soon as you step out of the house so I just got used to it. I love her so much and I don't hate myself for it, its nice loving someone, and i mean REALLY loving someone because it distracts me from everything else and she's my motivation, she's the reason I'm not 6ft under the ground right now. She changed me from the person I was two years ago and I haven't met anyone who could really change me except for her. She makes me believe that I could have it all and you know what, I can.

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