If I die today
not feelin the wine
Well its almost 10am . Last night was a wine drinking night from about 8ish till 1 we were up drinking his sister came over too we went aand invited her. After 7 I got up walked the dog to get my Roasters coffeee. I'm not having effects of wine just ate a larabar pinepple flavor I've been wanting to try this new flavor. nDea's sister did get sick before we walked her home (drinking too much wine) we were outside drinking it was kinda warm. im fairly certian my love will be hungover. Maybe the gas ex I'm on has me under control IDK . I also took one of my probotics I think on my second cup. I feel like I paced myself but ugh that might be feeling we cleaned out a whole box and a half between 3 of us sooo. I probally was loaded I had sips of water in between . I'm still gas exing omgi dont wanna be fat tommorw. Seems like autsim might be a factor in my socially getting together too IDK I feel like C is an issue and its sad i could go to his family thing but I dont feel like I need to even aklowdge her not even a hello. To me I see her as not someone needed in my life and weaather we become friends or enemies i feel like I'm opening a door to some sorta drama. I want to workout today but waitng for nDea to actually wake up but maybe i should just do it. I 'm going to do an outside workout. Easy its the weekend. As far as a person I feeel like sh!t I pretty much suck and I dont think nDea handles the acholol well and my body isnt really needing an assualt on the liver and as far as my thoughts and accusations toward the C monster what makes me diffrent than her? I've done my share of maniplation and drama and I dont wanna isolate him either I dont wanna be a narcist. Oh on the phsycial side I guess that right pain is becoming a part of life kinda burning type ache in there. I did poop a little today probally more coming on that so I'm ok. We ate I-hop for dinner last nigth usually fridays we have date nights. I'm anxous about tommorw guess I need to buck up and tak to my love and be who I wanna be. I also need to stop being such a drinker wth him bc emotionally mentally he's not mean angry or violent but he's vonerable and I wanna say it seems sad theres things and emotions that he lets out not as a sap but i mean like destressing depressing overwhelming things and dirnking is not the time to talk about these things and say you need the LORD but ulitmlayt thats wheere the healings gotta come. I get it I know he's hurting not only physically but theres so much more to him than I may ever know. I love him and I dont want to see him try to cope in an unhealthy was as far a trying stupid things while drinking so maybe I shoudl back off on the drinking. well today my assets are feew if I die then well i guesss no need to pay Aug storage fee my dental loan needs to be paid of course internet long as in service I wouldnt need a divorce if my death did us part. weell at some point we will face the daywehn he's up will see what kinda hangover he's fighting.
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