By Myself

Somewhere I Belong
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2021-07-03 11:49:40 (UTC)

Too cliched..

SOmething to tell my past self something i know now??

I would tell my younger me only one thing. Go fucking bat shit crazy.

As a kid and teenager i was too scared as the rest of them. Being bullied. living as an outsider. That sucked. I was smaller for my age. Easy pickings. Totally natural in the pecking order of things. All this i know now. Back then i didn't have the knowledge and the confidence. So only advice i would give is to do everything i told my self not to do. Take every fucking risk. To start a fight. I've never been in a fight ever. Like ever!!! that's bad. and no its not spreading violence as you may think. its called sticking up for yourself cause nobody else will. parents and teachers cant help you. if you snitch out then the bully will take you down after class. they wont' be there to protect you always. run from a bully once and you will run forever. from childhood to adulthood bullies will always be there. whats the worse that can happen to you if you punch your bully in the face, bite him, scar him, poke his eyes out, beat him back with a stick?? have that crazy look in your eye.....sent to the principle office? get beaten up? all that is temporary. the fact that you can fight back and not to be messed with will live on forever.

I have all this pent up anger in me toxic and boling under the surface. if i could get into a few fist fights back then i wouldn't be such a mess now. im underweight even now as an adult but i have no fear of physical contact. i want to get into a fight. nothing would make me happier. Reminds me of the movie Nobody. If you havent' seen it please do. The bus scene is exactly how i would picture it. if you know what i mean.

months back chilling with my friend and his kid. we go back to school days. his kid throws a tantrum. he then says something to the kid i didn't expect and hit me hard. he said, see look at him(pointing to me relxing on the couch and watching the whole thing tantrum as entertainment) he never gets angry. have you ever seen him angry?? i obviously laughed it off cause i was in shock of a simple truth which i didn't realize until he said it. kid being a prick didn't head and was still at his whinning. they don't know my sadistic side. my killing and torturing side.

i think iv'e skipped the whole getting angry phase and landed on kill them all phase. not to deal with them emotions and the aftermath i just prefer to have them killed and be done with. it has evolved to this after decades.

end.


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