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Ezoic
2021-07-02 19:22:41 (UTC)

No time

There are many things that are dissatisfactory. But there is no time to waste, staring into space, sporting an bitter expression. So we let our body and brain do all the work. While the mind rests and ponders, contemplating, all the things that are wrong through my eyes.
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On another note, my words are quite fickle.

I digress. I really wanted to talk about how I cannot attempt to sum up my life up till this point. I don’t remember half of it and I’m aware that it may be too early to come to any conclusions, especially since it would most likely be greatly affected by my current emotional state.

Just a thought. I feel nice right now. I ate 2 biscuits today. That’s it. They were really good. I’m lying in bed right now with the fan turned on to the max to make sure that I can’t hear anything outside my room. I’ve been reading. I wonder if lying in bed like this everyday will have an evident effect on my body and the way I function in the future.

I’ve been thinking about making hot chocolate for a while now but…I don’t wanna get up and I’m not necessarily hungry or thirsty. It’s a want, not a need. Just like many things in my life. I won’t die if I have them removed from me or if I’m forced to do something that I really just don’t want to do. The thought makes me want to experiment on myself. Manipulating the factors that make up my life, breaking things apart and then putting them back together, observing the effects all of these changes may have on my behavior, habits, thought process, emotiona…. You get what I mean.

I wonder what it takes for me to break. Have an emotional break down. Give up. To throw everything away and have my dramatic moment of dispose. That breaking point where I stop feeling regret or excitement at new developments. I’d love to witness it from the outside but that’s impossible.

This only came up because I believe it would be worth it. But I’m lazy and easily entertained by fanfiction that I manage to find and read. So that won’t be happening until I REALLY run out of ideas and stuff to do.

In conclusion, I probably shouldn’t eat or drink anything because [gluttony] but I really want a hot chocolate.
AH

That reminds me. There’s that thing where people are already imagining what someone may look like when that person is described to them and I was wondering how I’d seem to anyone who had read my ramblings. I really wanna know. Curious. I’d probably get a bunch of negative answers but anything to satisfy my curiosity, you know?

Ok now I’m done. For real. Not getting out of bed though. No hot chocolate. 🤕


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