If I die today
Ad 2:
2021-07-02 07:27:56 (UTC)

screwed up

Where to start? Well I feel like a failure. Thats the short will likely go on with that thought later. I'm still having some pain aches type stuff with the right side stomach area more upper middlish. I swear its an organ. my gas ex- arrived yesterday so Im on gas ex now for a few days not for pain but I really really want to ush out any bloating before the july 4 celebration. I dont wanna be fat. Despite the 3/4 a bag of chips I cleaned out yesterday. I have no self control. UGH. Just finshied 24 or 25 min stretching whatever I did the video after a walk with th dog. I want to do the 21 day challange but the first video is like an hour so IDK I'm going to do my own challange type thing and do a video a day even on the weekends for some time on the weekends Ill take it easy. I feel like everything I touch n do I'm wrong I screw up everything it doesnt helpt that all thee dishes come back greasy and yes nDea said something about it he mentioned soap and hot water. Ok I'm not that dum I swear I use soap and hot water IDK what i do wrong but I suck. my abition is to be a house wife why? I'm mean I suck at that too. I' dont hvae much goig for me I'm sure he thinkg i'm a total slob and no matter what I do I feel like I just cant get organized. I suppose I need to get downsize or something IDK I need to get creative why do I suck so bad. My fear is that I make him miss the C monster I probally make her look like a rockstar. Its a tough thing to try to just live and IDK how to make him happy but I want to and I think he knows I mean I'm pretty sure I had been screwing up his cereal in the morning maybe too much or too little milk and whatever (eyeroll) Ive jsut been letting him get his own these past 2days. I'll offer do u want anything today he just made I suppose a joke about eggs bacon and hasbrowns. Maybe thats not a joke thou maybe its the route togo maybe I need to get on it cooking in themogin just stragicly IDK I feel like I need time to drink coffee and sit but I know if I wake up too early no matter how quiet I am I'll wake or distrub him. So what do you do? (its not just him whevener I live with other people I have these problems ). if I just pop outta bed and start cookin its gonna hurt me and I'll be sickish. Maybe I can do it. I need to think gotta resolve this . ITs just that I'm not acceptable I feel cursed. Its all my feelings I cant say he's offending me I'm just kinda sad and bummed out that well i'm this. i'm useless. Ialos feel like I'm ripping him off we had common desires of me being housewife and this is what he gets. SLOP. He's not doing any better than he woulda been with the last woman. maybe the sex but I'm not sure I mean if he had a sexless life before maybe its not a need and lets be real I'm akward and weird and probaly not the best either althou I really think that its the best he's had I belive that for him. Anyhow why do I hve to be so akward. So I want to make some changes and I cant enegage this pitte party bc look at my life no repsoniblities a kind guenine man, bill are dental loan, storage, prime, excerize streaming and spectrum otherwise not muchis demanded or exspected of me. The attorny fee I never know when thats going to pop up and must be this month the po box is due I'msure that has to be soon. my job should be saving but I'm a wreck I keep spending I bought some dixie plates and bowls today. I'm also going to try to motivate myslef to wash dishhes every meal its gonna suck but canI do it will that help? I neeed to problem solve. All my thinking is pretty selfish and fruvililess so todays not the day to die i'm sure there could be some %*$* if I cut out today. Well I guss I should get moving

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