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2021-06-29 03:04:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Becomes a Certified Degenerate

Dr. Wood XLI

It happened. I became a degenerate. On Monday, June 28th 2021, around 3pm, I handed my final card of potential normality to the debt collectors. I received my dakimakura. And I am over the moon. Last night I got my first opportunity to sleep with it huhuhuuu :P It was so darn huggable and cozy! Uh so just to clarify something quickly – I don’t do anything beyond hugging it and sleeping with it. I mean, for those who do “more” than that, all good – just not my intent for getting one. It’s the closest thing to a human-sized huggable companion that I can snuggle with at midnight. But it’s not an object of… uh, let’s say, “lustful gratification”. I have to say – I’m quite proud of myself for being able to write these words. Even just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t imagine conveying such base desires, even in confidence to myself. From what I understand, owning something like this is widely thought of as “weird”. Not that they should ever know, but I think if my parents found out I had one, I would have an intervention coming my way. Did I already mention that? It feels like I might’ve written something like that already, or perhaps that was just part of one of my numerous internal monologues that had yet to be put on paper. Anyway, yeah, I get that it’s an easy thing to raise an eyebrow at. I’ve done that before, for this very thing even. Fortunately, these years I’m slowly opening my mind to more and more things that I previously judged as “immoral” or “degenerate”. (And I realize I used the latter to describe myself now, but that’s more so me being playful. I don’t truly think I’m a degenerate for it. I just think I’m a degenerate for it.)

I actually wanna explore this topic a bit more as I was thinking about it today whilst watching Youtube videos at work about how to live one’s life fully. But first I wanna mention another reason for why I’m getting promoted to Chief Degen – this past weekend I bought the 18 Maitetsu patch. Dude there’s 2 GB of adult content on there. Like holy fudge is this a true standard for Japanese visual novels or something? I’m in awe. I haven’t really viewed any of it yet as I’m kinda nervous about it. Also I just finished the Hachiroku route and it was sooooo sweeeeet <3 It kinda pains me to know that such a warm, sweet-as-chocolate-covered-cotton-candy story could be part of the same product as an anthropomorphized train going down on the main character. At the same time, well… I’m a degenerate, so… But yeah, I guess sex is a normal thing, so it is what it is. And it’s not like it’s random as it’s in line with the romantic route that the main character goes on. For the sake of each route on its own, it’s a monogamous venture. So he’d just be doing it with the one he loves, for all I know. Okay I talked WAY too much about this just now, especially for not having watched any of the scenes myself! The TL;DR for that is, I’m scared to visually confirm my favorite characters getting deflowered to smithereens, and at the same time yearning to justify to myself how the heartwarming innocence of the game can coexist with it.

So now to the topic I wanted to discuss. Now that I’ve broken the ice with buying a dakimakura and downloading an adult patch with some very lewd scenes for a game I’ve been playing, I’ve been thinking about what kinds of things I have inhibitions on that could actually be very healthy to have or do, or at least yield some nonzero positivity. I had always thought a dakimakura would be too weird to have, and yet now I have one, and what I feel is not embarrassment but joy. Going to bed to cuddle with the waifu can now be a thing – as silly and thoughtless as it might sound, it’s like a dream come true. Like I’m on cloud nine as I feel the two-way tricot at my fingertips and embrace it tightly, and simply admiring how it looks. And yeah sometimes I even talk to it – but I already do that with my plushy friends, so it’s not anything new for me. Everything about getting this body pillow was a win for me. I’m overjoyed, I really am! I know it’s only been a day so far, but like I can already feel that bit of loneliness I had from asserting my eternal singleness dissipating just from having it. And to think, why did I ever shirk the idea of it. Of course, during the times I had a girlfriend, something like this would reasonably not be on the table. I get that, and also in having a girlfriend my loneliness would ideally be nonexistent. But even as someone who wanted to stay single the past two years, the idea of owning a dakimakura was pretty farfetched. And here I am now, happy as can be. That’s all to echo the notion that I brought up in the first place – why avoid things that could bring me happiness?

If we’re going to speak on broad terms, let’s list reasons to forgo acquiring or doing something that would make me happy. The big one that comes to mind is if it could infringe upon the happiness or wellbeing of another. Stealing money from someone, for example, could bring someone happiness if they had no guilty conscience, but of course that’s at the expense of someone else. Declining invites too much just so I can stay home and play video games would rob people of my presence (and I of theirs). Despite this seeming pretty clear-cut, there’s some greyness to it. Like going back to the milk analogy from many diary entries ago – if I were to buy regular milk, one could argue that I’m bringing harm to cows who are subject to cruel farming practices by giving my monetary support to said cruel farming practices. I prefer almondmilk anyway, but let’s say I really wanted regular milk. I call that a grey area because of how indirect the “wrongdoing” is. I would much more quickly scold someone for stealing than I would someone for drinking cow’s milk. So I guess if I had to offer a primitive litmus test for this, I’d say that a good reason to forgo something that could bring one happiness is if it could infringe upon the happiness or wellbeing of another beyond a reasonable doubt. For once, more criminal justice degree is doing justice. Another reason to do so – if it could be detrimental in the long-term. The first thing that comes to mind here is eating sweet stuff beyond moderation. Brings me lots and lots of momentary joy, but the cavities and health problems to come would bite me in the rear. Then there’s reasons of the law – pretty self-explanatory, I think. There could be instances where one could justify breaking the law for happiness as acceptable, but I’m very comfortable being the adherent citizen that I try to be. So yeah, those three are the main things I can think of.

So if I start now peer through these lenses to look at desires that I once pushed away because I thought they were “weird” or “dishonorable”, I can decide if they are still fit to be pushed away, or if it’s worth giving them a shot. Having a dakimakura passed the test almost perfectly. There’s really no harm to anyone with me having one – I made sure to support a legitimate site (Dakimakuri – good job, you guys!) rather than a bootleg one stealing people’s artwork, so there’s that. Unless there’s child labor deep behind the assembly of the materials, I think I’m pretty safe here. Having a dakimakura doesn’t have any foreseeable detriments – it won’t expire, and I’ll always be single ‘cause y’know… And it’s definitely not against the law. Check, check and check. Let’s move on to the 18 Maitetsu patch. Could it hurt anyone? No, not at all. I also purchased this through legitimate means, so I’m support all who is due the support. All of the characters are fictional, so no real person is being sexually exploited. Could it harm me or someone else in the long-term? The only worry I have in this is what I already mentioned (about tainting the purity of the story), and I’ve since resolved that (sort of). Could it be illegal? Nah – again, all fictional, and I purchased it legitimately. Once again: check, check and check.

There’s a lot I could still write about this, but it is getting a bit late. I’m gonna take a relaxing bath, and then hug my daki to sleep. Life is wonderful. Stay tuned for more on this (if I decide to continue – who knows though, I tend to go from topic to topic pretty erratically haha).

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