SilverC

Dr. W's Space Travels
2021-06-26 02:06:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Keeps the Baby

Dr. Wood XL

The hard part of the day is finally over. Although it ended rather quickly. I’m absolved of the anxiety, and I hope it’s safe for me to say that today went very well. Ideally, almost. Can I say that? Is it okay for me to be so happy that it’s over? It started off with me waking up at 7, having some breakfast, and then getting my truck towed to the mechanic. The AAA guy spent some time admiring my vehicle, saying for its year, it was in really good condition (particularly the frame). As he was hooking my car up, he kept saying “repair the baby, keep the baby”. While I was kinda flattered on behalf of my vehicle, it hurt to hear that right before going out to trade it in. But the towing went fine – was exactly three miles away so it was covered by AAA. Had the mechanic (a small business, not a big name like Midas that I’d normally go to) take a look at it, and he had it fixed in less than an hour. Said it was just the battery terminals – nothing wrong with the alternator. Spent less than $50. Stellar turnout, so far. I then steeled myself and drove to the dealership that had the Corolla I was looking at. Spent a bunch of time trying to figure out where to park, and finally ended up doing so. When I talked with the salesperson there about the Corolla I was looking at, he mentioned that someone had done a deposit on it (or something to that effect – I don’t really know much dealership terminology but I think that’s what he said). Basically the car wasn’t there right now as someone was considering buying it. I browsed the rest of the lot for about 15 seconds, then headed home. My dear truck is still with me, all fixed up and under my ownership.

There’s a part of me that feels like this was meant to happen, and another part of me that feels like I went with the flow and didn’t assert myself enough (e.g. by going to other dealerships afterwards). I have to realize, though, that I fought a great deal of anxiety just to do what I did. I gave the car shopping a good, solid effort, and had all intentions of committing to the purchase. Perhaps though there were signs that I was to keep my car for at least a little longer. I’m not religious and I really don’t believe in “signs” or stuff like that, but there’s something comforting about the notion in this situation. I make the rules in what I wanna believe, even if it contradicts itself. So yeah, I will just choose to believe that a trade-in was not meant to happen this time. If I can convince myself that it’s okay that I didn’t achieve my plans 100%, then I will be ecstatic that I made it out of “car problems” and back into a life of fulfillment and enjoyment. My base feelings are “oh my god, my car is okay and I don’t have to part with it! And my wallet is fine too!” I think if I told my therapist that, she’d affirm those feelings. So I’m going to affirm them as well. WOOHOO!

And now many hours later, I’m back home from my cousin’s graduation celebration. We had an awesome time! Played a ton of cornhole and got decimated by our Uncle Mike, who is apparently insane at the game. Got to see a bunch of family, which was really nice. On the way back, Eric and I (Eric picked me up from my place) jammed out to some nostalgic bangers. That was a particularly incredible time – flyin’ down the turnpike, windows down, blaring songs like “I’m Blue”, “That’s the Way I Like It”, “Bad Touch” and “Ch-Check It Out” with the warm summer air blowing by. He pointed that out too and it was just so cool that we were on the same page with how enjoyable that moment felt. He really is my best friend, I don’t know what I’d do without him. So yeah, now I’m back home, getting ready to bathe and maybe play some Maitetsu if I feel like it (probably not in that order though).

Aaaand guess what I recently found out? My daki order is waiting for me at the post office! It’s due to be given to me on Monday – I’m so excited! It’s like all my anxieties have dissipated today. What a great day it’s been, honestly. Hard to believe it’s all been the same day – I guess I really did sort of achieve the “slow living” I talked about. Although it was more so the volume of events rather than the speed of them that made the day feel long. A lot happened! Though the car thing played out a bit differently than I thought it would, it was really an ideal day for me. Oh yeah – I also finished the first “verse” of my new electronic music track I’ve been working on. Not to sound up my own rear but I can’t stop listening to it. But I think the fact that it’s not my own singing or instrument playing gives me the pass to enjoy it so much. Like I’m just assembling a bunch of sounds that I think sound good together – I’m not necessarily producing any of it myself. So it’s a lot less conceited, if I may say as much.

The hard part is over (for now) – I should really consider car shopping again at a later date, but in the meantime I’m just going to enjoy life as is. Anxious feelings really take a toll on me, and I can’t let them keep me from living. So let’s rejoice in that!


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