Third 👁️ Eye Spy

2021-06-26 21:19:30 (UTC)

Seaside Swishy Breeze....hopefully

For now, I am focusing my attention solely on Mr Builder, just because he has done things the right way regarding me.

So we're both excited to see each other tomorrow evening. He is parking at my house, and I said I would drive to the pub by the sea for our evening meal (the pub is making roast dinner). He was keen on that idea, lol and then we're doing the beach walk and little fire fr the sunset just after 9 pm. I am not fazed to have dinner or not; I don't eat big heavy meals any longer, haven't since September last year. I would be happy with just a drink. It's likely why my eyesight has improved so much due to my turnaround in what I eat, my fitness, and a few months long of fasting. 22 hour and 18-hour fasting every day for a few months earlier this year, it seems to have rid my body of a load of old shit (dying cells) and renewed. Fasting did wonders for me, among losing weight. But what I put in my mouth now (other than cockmeat) is far different to what I used to.

Before I met my ex-partner of six years, I was very fit, and food was not a big deal to me; sweet things weren't a thing. I was always active (like now). My ex, however, was greedy and wanted me to put on weight. He took me out a lot, fed me up, gave me great sex, and we holidayed three times a year, twice abroad, once in England, every year. The man even cooked roast dinner on a fkn bbq one year; beer can turkey. Made no odds to me.

Anyway, the point is I am back to myself, in good shape, sound mind, good spirits, much, much happier than I have been for years and feel very safe and love the kingdom I created. I have lost friends along the way, and it wasn't until I met 'my ex guy' that looking back now, three months on, I can see why everything happened the way it did. My best friend showed me her true colours. My mother, an utter psychotic cunt (but I love her), doesn't often say nice things, let alone helpful things, but sometimes she says things that are spot-on. In the summer of last year, my mother told me that she doesn't trust Sarah (my best friend). She thought she had underlying envy and, at some point, will break and try to sabotage my happiness. Well, she was spot-on. I didn't see it back then, but there were small things Sarah would do, very negative things that I would talk to dad about in general conversation; dad always has me on loudspeaker so mum can hear me too and interject if she wants to. Those more minor things both felt she was not as good a friend as I thought. Of course, I listened and said I would stay aware.

Then 'my ex guy' comes along. Sarah already broke a little inside when I finally managed against many odds to buy the house I dreamed of for my daughter and me. I had so many knockbacks because I am a single woman on one income, but I got promoted a second time in that same year, and that helped get me over the edge for a mortgage. My deposit was large, 30k, but my income needed to be over 50k to get the mortgage. I did it. Sarah complimented me, but I felt an underlying irritation from her; she had wanted to get back into the single life again but can't because her insecurities of not being alone haunt her and nobody can ever leave (her insecurities are finding her dad hanging from committing suicide when she was 18 yrs old). It was only about control for her, not being single. As it stands, her partner of 10 years is emasculated and doesn't even sleep in the same room as her.

Next came me getting into shape, totally rebooting my body and health. She would come around my house eat the food I cooked for her, and again I would feel the irritation in her building, the way she said things, behaved, looked at me etc. She cannot cook and always made a big deal about how well she thought I cooked; I am just an ordinary cook, nothing special. She was beginning to feel more threatened by me, not because I made her feel that way, I am only doing my thing, working on me and my new home, it was because I was igniting stuff in her that she wanted to do but couldn't due to her laziness, woe is me attitude and consistently trying to control everybody, including me (with her shit advice that would keep me in a shit place)

The final straw for her was when I started on the dating scene; she hurled and groaned about me doing that. Trying to disengage me from the idea, telling me I am not ready. It had been two years at that point of me being single. I was ready; I am ready, I am in my home now, my career is great. I have no debts. I'm good to begin again. But she didn't want this; when I met 'my ex guy', she knew I liked him a lot despite me knowing it wouldn't work out because he played mind games. However, I didn't tell her that. Still, as the long weekends were planned with 'my ex guy', Sarah got more infuriated and began ringing me aggressively and saying things totally out of order toward myself and 'my ex guy'. Suddenly, I clicked. For all these years, this woman has wanted to keep me inside a miserable existence. She relished in my troubles with my ex, my struggles with selling and buying a new home. She even asked my daughter and me to stay elsewhere for one week out of the four when we were meant to stay in her holiday home for four weeks in between moving. It was all to cause me anxiety and unnecessary hardship. To Sarah, I had reached my goals, and the last piece to add was a loving, happy relationship with a man; she felt 'my ex guy' was going to be that man and told me sarcastically, "Guess you're going off with him now and I won't see you anymore." Obviously, I would never have done that to her. I loved her as my friend, but she fears being left by people she cares about in her fucked up way.

Anyway, these things and people come to teach us, and I can say I had not missed her or considered contacting her once since she runoff in her rage. She doesn't even know that 'my ex guy' and I are no longer; for all she knows, I am still with him, lol. Now I have pieced it all together and added up the years of everything she had tried to do, and I am pleased she is no longer in my life.

As for Mr builder, he asked today can we have a third date too! LOL, we have already arranged it for next weekend. I said, let's do the second date first, yeah. Haha. He is going to help me keep my dress from swishing up by the sea breeze, LOL

I have not been on the dating sites today. I need time out, plus, Mr Builder has kept me busy, lol!

Oh, I fell asleep on the grass in my garden this afternoon, my god, that was peaceful! Must do that again.

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