Background Noise
2021-06-26 10:16:19 (UTC)

What’s wrong with me.

Why do I need confidence anyway. Who cares about that. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be near my brother. He coughs too much. Sneezes too much. I don’t want to use the bathroom he uses. I don’t want to useTHAT bathroom. I don’t want to be near that bathroom or the air inside it. I don’t want to be in my parents’ bathroom. Nowhere is safe. Nowhere is clean. I’m not crying. Im not. I hate it here. I hate myself and I’m never waking up during the day again. Theres absolutely no point. I hate it hate hate hate it. I just want my own bathroom. Away from any of them. I hate it. None of it is clean. Im probably not even clean. I hate it. It’s not like they’d care to solve my problem either.

This whole situation is so disgusting. So gross. My actions, my thoughts, my surroundings. I don’t want any of it. Why do I have to be like this. Why did I have to care. Why couldn’t I just. I didn’t ask to be so obsessive or pathetic to the point that I’d cry about something so stupid and inevitable.

Maybe I should attempt dissociation or whatever. Daydreaming and all. The distant crap. I need an escape. I’m not going outside, I’m too unsightly for that, especially right now. My mind isn’t much better but beggars can’t be choosers.