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Dr. W's Space Travels
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2021-06-20 01:18:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Hates Buying Cars

Dr. Wood XXXVII

7th entry of this month… that HAS to be a record. For all that’s happened though – finishing Clannad, letting go of my inhibitions and buying a dakimakura, having “car problems” – I guess it makes sense. I know those seem like peanuts compared to the “big life events” that other people might have, but by now it should be known that I’m very different in that regard. Anyway, today has been kind of an off day. I’ll start off with something good though – my body pillow is soooo snugglable! I know Spellcheck doesn’t agree with the use of that word but it seems most fitting. I really can’t wait for the cover so that I can enjoy it in its full capacity!

So I feel off because of the events of yesterday, and some small stuff from today. I called my dad to wish him a happy Father’s Day, and the conversation went to the issues with my car (obviously, because I had to miss out on Father’s Day breakfast due to them – uh, but that’s not say they were particularly disappointed towards me, it was more so something I brought up). We talked about some ideas such as getting AAA to come out and just replace my battery, and then going and trading in my car for something else. All the while my stepmom chimed in with some input, though at times I felt like she was annoyed. I couldn’t tell if it was directed towards my dad or towards me, but it worried me. Anyway, I’m thinking about calling AAA today and having them do the replacement or at least just checking to see if the battery is the main issue (my dad said he thinks it is). Would really assuage my concerns for the time being, though I know the necessity for a new car remains. It’s something I really need to follow through on. Which brings me to the anxiety of searching for a new car. Everything about the process ranges from a mild inconvenience to something I utterly dread. It’s kinda like a job search, although I have much fewer preferences when it comes to a car than to a job. I’m gonna talk with Eric later today, since he has a lot of knowledge when it comes to cars and car buying (and he’s really excited to talk about it). Hopefully that’ll help me feel more confident and I can use his advice. I just despise everything about buying a car, except for having the new car in my possession. I once recorded a tongue-in-cheek rant on a whim about all the stuff I hate about buying a car. Like imagine designing an obstacle course for people with anxiety. There are so many mind games involved in getting a “good price” on top of simple social skills that one needs. And I’m really not confident with my ability to negotiate. And then after everything is done, I have to part ways with my dear current vehicle as I elope with another one, and hold in my tears like a normal human who doesn’t pour gallons of sentimental value into the things he owns. Real life is hard sometimes. Yeah, I know – look at me complaining about something as small as this while other people are dealing with life-and-death situations.

I kinda wanna just go back to bed and hug my daki. Actually I don’t think it’s a daki yet since I only have the insert pillow. But I wanna hug it nonetheless. I’m feeling a wacky mixture of emotions right now. My Monday blues aren’t even hitting me – it’s just general downness I guess. I don’t really know how to describe it.

An update: I just had AAA come out and replace my battery. I assessed the best- and worst-case scenarios in my head: best-case, the battery replacement would allow it to work perfectly and I could fulfill my commuting obligations until I get a new car; worst-case, I get the battery replaced, and it still needs additional mechanical work. I hoped so profusely it would go off without a hitch. But heh, that’s not how life works. Alternator needs to get replaced or whatever. I’m so exasperated right now… I feel so gross constantly spending money. Even though I can sustain it, I just feel like I’m always throwing money here and there. Part of it is my fault – I’ve been online shopping more lately. I really need to stop. Once my daki gets here, I need to really limit that to necessities. And weeby decorations – as much as I love them – are not necessities. So no more wall scrolls for a while. (Let’s see if I can follow through on that…) I still have two small domestic trips planned for October, and then Japan in March… I really hope I can justify those excursions to myself. Really, I can sustain all of those and still have a nice cash buffer. But it still feels gross. Does it make sense when I say it feels “gross”? I feel so irresponsible.

Another update: I just talked with Eric on the phone about some insights on car-buying. His input helped a lot! I feel a bit more confident going into this now. There’s a car that I’m highly considering getting – just hope it’s there still when I go out this weekend to buy it, if I still so choose to buy it. I’m gonna be getting my car fixed on Saturday morning, so I think I’ll go right to the dealership afterwards, and then to my cousin’s graduation party later that afternoon. That would be the ideal turn of events (plus me negotiating a lower amount than the ask price). I won’t hold my breath for that to happen, though of course I hope it does. I should say my formal goodbyes to my car this week, then. The thought of handing it over really hurts. But I think it’s best that I just bear that. I have this diary thing to help me channel those feelings if/when that happens, so that’s nice.

My thoughts are a bit jumbled right now. Just finished having tonkatsu for dinner and watched an episode of Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro. I’m ready to just take it easy for the rest of the night. Looking forward to hugging my pillow before I sleep.


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