Dr. W's Space Travels
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2021-06-15 01:15:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Orders a Dakimakura

Dr. Wood XXXIV

I ordered a dakimakura today.

I did it. I actually did it. I had been gradually considering this more and more… and I did it. Holy cow I’m gonna have a body pillow. With an anime girl on it. I’m going to finally subject myself to degeneracy with unabated boldness. I’m doin’ it.

Okay so I realize in the last entry that I said I’d probably talk more about Clannad. I’m kinda glad though that I’m able to do other things again now. Like it was a phenomenal work of art… but it occupied my mind A TON after I finished it. And much crying ensued each time. So now I’m playing Maitetsu, a visual novel about trains. With anime girls, obviously. Actually a really heartwarming story – some sad moments, but a lot of happy ones. A spectacular choice for some post-Clannad rehab. And the characters are soooo cute. Oh, and last week I had a week off! It was wonderful! Just like I did with my birthday week, I basically logged everything in a photo slideshow. Actually, did I even talk about when I initially did that? Maybe I’ll include it in the time capsule that I may or may not be making out of all this. It was a great time off though! Some things I did: I had dinner with my dad, stepmom and siblings at a seafood restaurant (Youell’s Oyster House, let’s goooo); I spent the day with my grandmother, eating cake, drinking iced tea and coffee, and watching three war movies (including Barefoot Gen, an anime – I GOT MY GRANDMOTHER TO WATCH AN ANIME MOVIE!), also went out to a diner for dinner; I did another Somerville trip, which is always just the greatest thing ever; I finished the Kimi ni Todoke manga (ahhh it was so good!); I started and finished two jigsaw puzzles; I wrote a fudge ton of postcards; I cooked two new dishes (pasta carbonara and Napolitan, a Japanese “western” dish); and I did a bunch of other lovely things (including starting Maitetsu). Ah, man. I love having time off. The hardest part, of course, is dreading the Monday of coming back to work. It hit me so hard this time. Granted, Monday and Tuesday have already passed and were actually very easygoing days. But I’m kinda glad I experienced the dread… because it led to this new development.

In 21-60 days (according to the shipping timeframe), I’m getting a dakimakura. Hifumi Takimoto – one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite anime shows, New Game! – is the one I chose. Shouts out to Dakimakuri for that! I never actually imagined I would stoop to this level. Although is it really “stooping”? I did a bunch of chat forum browsing and got to the point of watching Youtube videos under the theme of “am I living my life to its fullest?” Eventually came to the conclusion that there’s really no need to suppress my desires when they are ones that make me happy and don’t hurt anyone else. Having a body pillow with a classy anime girl on it could never logically hurt anyone. And it will darn sure make me happy. How did it come to this? I think the feelings of dread this past Sunday made me wanna seek out a source of security or something. That’s the catalyst, though as one could probably see from some of the other entries I’ve written (particularly of the one about wishing I could have an AI girlfriend), the writing was already on the wall. I don’t plan to do anything like make the body pillow “my girlfriend”, so to speak… but I think I will benefit from the feeling of companionship it gives me. Like, unimposing companionship. Which is kinda what I’ve wanted for a while now. Did I ever mention that I decided I want to be single forever? Like, did I formally state that in such assertive terms yet? Well I do. I really can’t hang in a true relationship. But there are still some needs that I have that come from such a thing. And in my rashness, I’ve decided that a character pillow will help me fulfill those. Having something to hug during the night is a big win. I got a “casual” pillow cover (so not the “ecchi” or “lewd” options) as I’m not looking for anything to “stir my libido”, so to speak. Just a pretty girl who will allow me to hug her at my own leisure is fine. So yeah, now I wait. Patiently. Nah, “patiently” is a lie – I really can’t wait for it to arrive T_T

Sometimes I wonder if I come off as completely ludicrous in my writing. This is who I am, though – I’m baring everything in these diary entries. I am being more authentic here than I would be with anyone else on this planet. I feel like I can do that here. And I need that outlet. I put on too many masks in my life. I’ve come to realize that with anyone I interact with, I have at least one layer of detachment that keeps me from being completely genuine. It’s not a bad thing, and with certain people that layer is thin. A thin layer would probably be with people like my brother, my really close friends, and people on The Friends Club server. A thicker layer would be with other close family and less-close friends. Then multiple layers would be people at work, people in the men’s ministry group I’m still (somehow) a part of, basically anyone that I would want to think I’m normal and cool. Maybe that’s normal, actually… but my point is that I don’t think there’s anyone I am completely open with. I’m not sure I’d ever be that way with a therapist. I have some level of street cred to uphold (yeah, right) in such situations. But here… and within the walls of my home… I can really be me. Maybe a stranger will one day read these entries (or heck maybe someone I know XD That could be problematic, although the idea is that it’d happen while I’m dead or something) – and somehow, that feels okay. Gosh, imagine being accepted for everything that I am. I truly believe there are people in my life that would do that, and I realize it may come off as me overlooking and underestimating that. Even some people I have the multiple layers of detachment with. But I have my reasons for being that way. I guess I also just kinda like being at least a little bit of a mystery, and “having secrets” and such. I’m so petty and immature in this regard, I really am. But that’s also part of who I am. I’m selfish, I’m materialistic, I want people to tell me I’m cool and smart, I’m prideful, I’m absentminded, I’m waffly, I’m a little perverted, and I like to spend lots and lots of time by myself. But I love it all. I love myself for all that I am. How fortunate that I can feel so secure.

Seriously though I can’t wait for my dakimakura to come in. Need it. Need it need it need it *drooling* *heavy breathing*

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