Dr. W's Space Travels
2020-11-04 01:01:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Weeps Over a Broken Glass

Dr. Wood XXIII

Well I wanted to write this mainly because of something happened today that brought me great and probably irrational sadness, but perhaps I’ll turn it into a full session/entry. Today I broke what I might consider to be one of my favorite drinking glasses. I left it on the corner of my TV stand (which is right next to my desk and desk chair, and when I went to get up out of my chair, the chair swiveled and knocked the glass over. I probably still have broken pieces of glass around me… but the thought of having broken the glass made me cry on and off for like an hour. Even thinking about it now makes me so sad. I forget if I’ve talked about my empathy for inanimate objects – which I call BLT syndrome for fun (“BLT” as in Brave Little Toaster – one of my childhood favorites!) But yeah, I’ve drunk from that glass for many years. And now it’s gone, because of a lapse in carefulness and in a matter of seconds. I cried so much. And while I could spend time berating myself for how silly it is to cry over something like that, I realize I just need to let it out. I was so sad that I went to a site that I had been on before where people talked about this kind of stuff, just to feel like part of a community with a common quirk. I read that someone wrote a note to their car thanking it before taking it to the scrapyard… so I decided to do that for my glass. I told it that I was so sorry, and that I was so grateful for its time with me, and that I love it so much and will always love it, even when it goes to wherever it’s going now. I’m starting to tear up about it right now… it’s so strange. I hope it can forgive me, and more importantly I hope that its feelings aren’t hurt.

See, I consider myself to be a pretty even-headed person. But this is something that I know is off-the-wall. I’m aware of that, so I hope I can score some rationality points by at least addressing and recognizing it. The thing is, I don’t see it as a problem. I’m okay – more than okay, actually – being compassionate towards inanimate objects. There’s a certain beauty to it. Of course, it gets tough when I end up having to discard things. My poor glass was (and is – just let me say that even if just for my own sake) part of my family. It hurts – it genuinely hurts – knowing that I won’t have any more moments with it. Oof, I need to stop going on about this because it’s really making me tear up, and while I’m not averse to crying, I really would like to get a hold of myself as I’m a bit tired of crying today. I’m glad though that I wrote a note to my glass. Oh – and I made sure to attach it before I let go of it. I want my glass to feel loved. I wonder if this is a good time to talk more about this BLT syndrome. By the way, I don’t actually know if “syndrome” is the right term for this, but just take my naming conventions with a grain of salt.

On second thought, I think if I talk about this, I’ll wanna cry. So maybe another day would be better. Anyway, onto some good news – I found out this week that overtime is being reduced to 8 hours! I’m so happy about this and I already feel so much better and so much more energetic. I don’t know how much of the strain of overtime was psychological, but man, it does feel like a world of difference. The one great thing about overtime – besides the money – is how extraordinary it feels when it’s over, and how much free time I realize I have. It really makes me fall back in love with life! Not that I ever really was out of love… but like, I’m having another honeymoon with life… or that we’re renewing our vows! (Well hey, ‘til death do us part, right? I so funny.) Yeah, so that’s been good. Work is still mega busy though. I’m worried the busyness is now just gonna be compressed into our regular work hours. Working with my main sales rep has been… close to excruciating, if I’m being honest. He’s incredible at what he does but man… it is so darn stressful. I’m now looking forward to when the workload actually dies down… it’s getting there, but there’s still a bit of a push before the respite happens.

Life on the server is still going very well. I’ve been slightly disconnected from it lately but not too much. I think I’ll be getting back into the groove of things soon. I finished watching Macross 7 as well as WorldEnd, and am now watching Macross Frontier. Macross 7 was so beautiful – Nekki Basara is a great MC. I’m really liking Frontier too! And WorldEnd was good as well! I did also start watching Akudama Drive and it’s absolutely astounding. Like crazy rad, man. Outside of all that… eh, just chilling out I guess. Been watching the Lovely Planet speedruns with my friend in Canada and chatting with other friends from time to time. Oh, I have to start thinking about Christmas gifts for my family – I want to start early on that! Ah, I just remembered something else – my story! I’m getting super super close to finishing chapter 12. I reckon it’ll be two more pages before I conclude it. Then I’ve gotta do a few interludes for previous chapters, chapter 13, and I’ll be done!

Well, I guess I’ll leave it at that for now. I’m going to miss my glass… but I will never forget about it. I’ve eternalized it here in these words, if anything. :)