Dr. W's Space Travels
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2020-07-15 00:57:00 (UTC)

Space Cadet Considers Selling His Wife for $100,000

Dr. Wood XX

It’s been almost a month since my last session! I guess I’ve just been so distracted with life that I haven’t been able to do one of these again. But I mean “distracted” in a good way, as things are really going well! Well, in the micro sense. The larger picture is that COVID-19 is still afflicting the US. Some of the states are getting majorly pooed on by it. Pennsylvania is doing so-so… and businesses have been reopening. But I worry that they may reclose. Well, not that the reclosure itself would be bad, but the implications of it (e.g. people being out of work, the fact that the virus is STILL kicking our butts, etc.) I did find out that Yestercades has reopened, though there are so many limitations in place that it wouldn’t be worth it to go there yet. I yearn for the day I can do so. Man, screw this virus.

Anyway, update time! Work is going well – I’m doing a lot more rating work than underwriting work now given the impending busy season. Wondering how the work’s gonna be this summer… many carriers are issuing retains on their renewals, which means fewer groups will be marketing their coverages, which means fewer opportunities for us to quote, which means potentially less overtime? That’s my ultimate hope. I will say that work has been going super smoothly. I mentioned in my last entry that it’s become a lot more bearable… and it really has! I’ve been listening to music, putting on YouTube videos, eating my Universal Yums snacks (international snacks from around the world, in short), drinking tea, and going about my business. It’s not all low-stress, but it’s so manageable now that overall it feels that way. I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where I’m at peace with my work. Sounds kinda cheesy, but there was a time when I was close to devastated by my mistakes and whatnot. It was horrible, I remember it vividly. Therapy really worked wonders for me. I’ve gotta say – there were two things that stuck with me like a branding iron to my brain: “if it’s not a problem, then there’s no need to worry about it” and the expression of my feelings. Okay that probably didn’t make much sense how I worded it, but it’s mainly for my own reference. As is most of what I’m writing, granted… but whatever. Next paragraph!

Life on the recreational side has been wonderful. Call of Duty tournaments are now happening frequently with the upcoming championship. One of my teams won the last tournament – which has me ecstatic! Go New York! My story has been going awesomely – a bit more slowly these days, but still on a roll. I’m two pages into chapter 9 – 2/3 of the way done the whole thing. My goal is to get it done by the end of August – a very attainable deadline, I think. Anime-watching has been the shizz, as always. I finished Toradora! and started on Accel World, but then began Chobits per mention of it by Ulli (who also rewatched it). I’m enjoying it! I’m enjoying Accel World too, so I’ll get back to it once I’m done with Chobits. The anime Discord group that I joined is the greatest – awesome people there. I’d like to be more active on it, though. I find myself engaging in chats on the weekends, but I wanna do it more than that. We’ll see what happens, I guess.

There are other things here and there that are going on – oh, like how I hooked up my NES and recently responded to Joe on the long email he sent me, and the super deep conversations Ulli and I have been having, and how I learned to make friggin’ TONKATSU! But I think I’ll leave it at that. Oh, but I did wanna mention one thing that I’ve mentioned briefly before. I am so confused about the relationship thing. It’s so weird, because I think logically speaking, it would suit me best to not have a partner. And emotionally speaking I also feel that way. But there’s a weird FOMO that I’m getting from it. It’s weird because I know that the single life is so full of freedom from shared control. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve learned to embrace the selfish side of me, and one major aspect of that is having the perception of complete control over my life. So for me, it’s hard to understand how having a partner would be beneficial to me, and in turn, beneficial to another person. Did I already mention my philosophy on a good relationship? That it shouldn’t be two people completing each other, but two bad-ays combining to make an even bigger bad-ay? I mentioned that to someone, but whatever. Anyway, I don’t know if that makes sense in the context of what I’m trying to say… there’s a lot on my mind with this. It’s like, I wanna complain about missing something in my life that shouldn’t be part of it. It’s so weirdly counterproductive and it’s making a problem out of something that’s not one. I guess it’s like… if I had the chance to press a button that would grant me $100,000 if I vow to never have a partner ever again… I would hesitate. I wouldn’t be so sure about doing that, despite it being a great deal. I guess I have this weird, distant hope that it’ll happen someday? But I don’t even know if “hope” is the right word, because it’s not something I’m looking for right now! I’m not sure if I’m truly struggling to find the words for how I feel, or if I’m holding back on verbalizing it.

Whatever. In due time, I’ll be able to talk about it. For now, though, I’m gonna enjoy this life. Every day is a party. Every day is holiday.

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